I’ve been working hard over the last month with my latest book release Girls909 and the publicity machine for it, trying super-hard to become the biggest best-selling author in all the k-pops in the fine Kpopalypse hyper-capitalism style that readers of this website have come to expect…. actually, okay, not really. In fact, it’s time to completely sabotage my own barely-even-there book promotional efforts and fuck my own popularity chances in the ass by giving you another episode of the least popular long-running series on Kpopalypse.com, that’s right it’s time for Kpopalypse Nugu Alert! Yay!
To make extra-special-sure that nobody in their right might gives even the tiniest shit about this episode so I can tank my author fame to the largest possible extent, this episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert is going to be another one where we laugh at some of k-pop’s AI slop implementations. All k-pop fans hate AI seeping into k-pop at least as much as NMIXX’s Lily does, so if we theme the episode around AI, they’ve got even more reasons to ignore what I write than usual.
Weirdly, the music fan distaste for all things AI is a memo that big labels are yet to fully receive, with many of the larger k-pop agencies still trying horrible AI visuals to this day:
What the brains behind Korea’s “soft power” might want to take a good long hard think about, is that one of the major things that drew people to k-pop back in Hallyu Wave days was the amazing visual spectacles of some of the better k-pop music videos. That’s mostly been replaced now with AI slop and we are definitely getting robbed of some cool visuals that might’ve been. However in the case of the following nugus, we probably weren’t going to get those cool visuals anyway, so why shouldn’t these lesser groups spin up the sexy planet-death machine and see what it can do? Here’s some carefully curated nugu k-pop AI slop selections, for your entertainment.
Usual Kpopalypse Nugu Alert rules apply, artists must meet the following criteria:
Less than 20,000 views across official channels
Unlikely to be featured in Nvidia’s next tech demo
Relevant to Kpopalypse
Let’s take a look!
Sentimental Squad – Calling You
Who the fuck even knows what is going on in this crazy-ass AI drama video. The story cuts back and forth so many times that I’m not even sure if it’s telling a story at all or if it’s just a bunch of random AI-created drama scenes stitched together because they looked cool. It’s all a bit beyond my brain, and the feeling of confusion is made even more extreme by the typical AI slop quirks, like a motorcycle that changes brands every time it overtakes another vehicle (0:32) and some trippy car chase action with the bounciest suspension I’ve ever seen on a car just driving down a road normally. However I think it’s still one the the better k-pop ballads of recent times, and the harmony vocals are used to good effect here, but oppars are old which means that no k-pop fan is going to care. Except me of course, and maybe some of you.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 6302
Notable attribute: guy second from the right has the balladeer’s version of the boobs-harness
Nugu Alert Rating: very high
NXMERCY – Burn The Blue
The rise of “virtual avatar” groups has come as a reaction to an industry need – what to do with all those boys and girls who failed at being an A-list k-pop but still need work and can sing a bit? A lot of these new “virtual avatar” groups aren’t actually AI generated, but what if they were? Then they’d look something like NXMERCY, and their slopporiffic video for “Burn The Blue”. They do get a lot of stuff right though, like k-pop boys dreaming of stardom while working shit day jobs, and there’s even some scenes of the boys in bed together which should please people who are into that type of thing (which according to polling, is a lot of you). Poop song but you can’t have it all.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 4330
Notable attribute: guy crying from his forehead at 0:50 like we all are when we see a new one of these
Nugu Alert Rating: very high
Redchair – Afterglow
Redchair turn up the Christian horse schoolgirl vibes for “Afterglow” (which has 666 views at the time of writing) and the video is actually pretty impressive because it’s legitimiately difficult to tell here in places where reality ends and the AI slop begins. While I’m pretty sure they didn’t train a bird to wear a neat little scarf and do aegyo faces, the girls are real and the school setting seems at least mostly real once you take the filters away, plus the outdoor scenes near the end look far too realistically boring to be AI. It’s a decent looking video, pity they didn’t get the music right as it’s the usual bland Rhodes ballad nonsense, although there are a couple of pretty wild screaming synth lead solos that come out of nowhere and totally wreck the mood in a hilarious way, it’s worth a listen just for this.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 666
Notable attribute: a very flat sportball at 0:31 clearly hasn’t been used in a while – that’s the way girls, don’t play sport. Sport is no fun. Sport endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today. Stop the madness! There are better things in life.
Nugu Alert Rating: extreme
Celai (M1) – Louder
Starting off with some crystal cats that definitely do not mrcs, Celai, or M1, or Celai (M1) or Celai.m1 or whatever this group are, do improve from there. The song isn’t spectacular but it’s also not awful and probably would have fit in fine if it was given to Twice or something, in fact it’s slightly better than a lot of the more recent Twice songs. The video even has some heart-touching moments, like the girls hugging each other at 3:46 while road crew in the background use their space-warping arms to prepare the live stage. It’s also quite pretty in general, with generically attractive people swanning around generically attractive backgrounds doing nothing in particular. There’s even an upskirt angle at 3:06 which shows that even in a world without humans there is still objectification, and an AI can probably be entrusted to both objectify digital performers and run the Kpopalypse objectification surveys long after I’m dead.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 454
Notable attribute: one of the girls tests out Apple’s new “pulsating fist” interface for Macintosh desktop at 0:28, who says AI k-pop girls can’t get endorsements
Nugu Alert Rating: extreme
That’s all for this episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert – the series will return soon!
