It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Korean media outlets are starting to notice exactly what I’ve been noticing about Jay Park and Lngshot and how he keeps stealing their limelight and won’t let them shine. His response is to joke about saying he’s joining the group but I think the reality is worse and they’re going to become his backing dancers…
Secret – Ice Cream
The rebooted Secret seems to realise correctly that it was the sonically lighter end of Secret’s past catalogue that worked the best, but this new song doesn’t really have anything in it that stands out against that stuff.
Hearts2Hearts – Lemon Tang
Absolute thunderous crap of the type that only a label as useless at reading the room as SM Entertainment can do. I heard they had to AI-generate the kids in the sand because putting real children this close to the singers screeching away would have been considered child abuse.
Yves feat. Lexie Liu – Break It
Fast beats, whispery breathy vocals, it’s Pinkpantheress again but without the melodic sensibilities of her better stuff.
STAYC – 2 Love
Stayc’s song isn’t bad at all but it’s pretty unexciting. If it’s not clicking with you what this song is missing, then try listening to…
Seo Eve – Still Becoming
…the new Seo Eve song which is basically exactly the same musical idea but with better backings and better melody and harmony writing. Whoever is writing for Seo Eve actually understood the assignment.
ROCKIT GIRL – Pink Pink Pop
A rejig of some other song they did recently and this one’s even more forgettable. It’s that bad I can’t even remember what Leeseul wore in the video.
Alexa – Umami
Alexa’s stumbling block has always been her songs, which have ranged from somewhat above average to just plain dreary, but she’s never had a song quite this bad. I guess this is supposed to be some Katseye type thing and I totally get why she would want to do that but it just doesn’t work at all.
TREASURE – (NALLY-NA) (HYUNHAYO)
This song sounds like exactly what the song title looks like.
ZZONE – We Grow
Zzone tries to do a QWER kind of song and basically succeeds, but it’s an album filler QWER song, not one of their bangers.
ONF – Open The Door
I didn’t listen to this song because I was too busy doing my hair.
NCT WISH – Boy Meets Girl
It’s not terrible but the best part is still at 2:26 when everyone stops and questions their life choices. Also why does some weird AI butt-nugget run along the ground and then one of the boys picks it up and licks it? What sort of message are we sending here? Pray for the kids out there.
HEART OF WOMAN – Skit.exe
Some nice sounds in the backings here and I really like the use of sub bass, but this song is so smothered in endless vocal layers that’s it’s suffocating. These girls are smothering us the way Jay Park is smothering Lngshot…
USPEER – Wicked Game
Now that Fifty Fifty aren’t really being Fifty Fifty anymore, someone else has to do it. Uspeer’s song is pretty nice and captures similar vibes, pity about the horrid AI slop video add-ons but this is 2026 and we apparently can’t wait for creatives to do proper CGI anymore because there are schedules and the video editor wants some sleep damnit.
Evan – Ride Or Die
I’m fine to pick ‘die’ on this one.
OMEGA X – Uncapped
Just silly boy-slop really. There’s probably enough shirt-lifting action to keep people happy but I think they forgot about the music altogether pretty much. You may not notice.
Seeya – I Believe
I’m torn here because I want to like Seeya given how much crap they went through and this song even has a couple really weird almost-metal segues, but the rest of it is just bland as fuck so it’s probably just as well they never got paid for making this kind of thing. Wouldn’t want to encourage them.
KIIRAS – R.U.T
If there’s a girl group stuck in a rut it’s definitely Kiiras.
Dodree – Lilac
Someone kick these two and their shitty-pop out of the library, we’re trying to read in here.
ISEGYE IDOL – Smile For You
Terrifying. Why do some of the girls have broken-ass vampire teeth, is that supposed to be cute? Actually don’t answer that, I don’t care.
MiiWAN – MiiWAN
The boy version is just as shit.
A-Plus – Summer Night Again
I’m pretty sure that not a single decent k-pop song started off with a video that had some girl running her fingers through the long grass. It’s because that nonsense is supposed to be symbolic of being in touch with nature and sensuality and so it’s just a big red flag really because some CEO had to greenlight this crap.
XENEX – Busket List
What the fuck is a “busket list”? I wish some of these average-ass boy group songs would kick the busket.
Red C – Don’t Want to Be Like You
Now that’s a cool guitar effect but that’s really the only thing even slightly interesting here. Even the guys in the band don’t look that keen to be there.
Can’t be blue feat. Mulasaki Ima – Blue Daisym
Paradise Diner not only in the video but in the damn thumbnail, that’s definitely two strikes out of three (the third is when the song is about a certain food type and the artist is eating that food in the video, inside the diner).
Hoshi – Snapback
Is it any wonder that I skip most of these boy group solos.
JeA – Romance
I can’t believe it, it’s a new JeA song and it’s not a ballad. It’s not terrible but I definitely got more entertainment out of watching the signs on the AI slop diner subtly change between shots than from the song itself.
Thunder – Jesus
Divine intervention was definitely absent in this song.
Jung Daehyun – Why Am I Still Here
It’s as good a question as any.
You Dayeon – Dream Rusher
Dayeon’s Japanese foray beats the j-shits at their own game by having what j-pop always lacks – some decent melody writing. It’s sadly got that same gutless shitty production and tinny sounds a lot of the j-stuff has but the songwriting saves it.
Yujeong – Nonsense
Accurate song title of the week.
Purynn – Wee-woo
I chopped a ton of submissions out of the tail end of roundup but this one can stay just because of the hair, great work stylist… or wig creator, whichever one it is.
Polyphia – Can You Feel It
Polyphia get a lot of flack for being incredibly metrosexual (check out the very anti-tough-guitar-guy vibes here) and “ruining rock” or whatever but I think incorporating shredding guitar style into modern electronic music is a cool way to keep guitar acrobatics relevant to new generations of players and I think this new song of theirs captures what I life about them the best. So they can be the random non-Korean feature of the week. Yeah there’s a lot of post editing here but if you think there isn’t in death metal albums or whatever as well, think again.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Will Tennyson – I Investigated The Country Where it’s Illegal To Be Fat
Buzzfeed celeb – IVE tries American foods for the first time
And on the other end of the scale we have IVE getting fat… okay, not really. Look at them gingerly picking away at all this food and then politely rating it when they haven’t even eaten 95% of it. They are scared that eating American food will turn them into a literal carbohydrate, and to be fair, I would be too.
Nasty Nasty – Knock
I miss the days when the dull mid-paced k-pop songs at least had some pretty punchy beats that could cut through the mix with solid drums and bass guitar. We need to go back to those times. Debut era Le Sserafim got it right, but then they lost the way. Anyway, this is a nice throwback to the days of Nine Muses’ Kyungree being one of k-pop’s star visuals, just a pity about the sax on this track which is fine at first but gets grating pretty quickly.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
