Kpopalypse is back with the sixth installment in the Wonho games series!
At the time of writing Wonho is still in the military, and he doesn’t emerge for another six months. At that time, North Korea will probably attempt their invasion, knowing that the South’s main defence asset will no longer be serving at the front lines, but until then Wonho needs our help to complete his duties! Let’s look at some computer games that he may like and see what ones might be the mostly likely to “give him strength” to see out his military service safely and in good health!
If you’ve missed previous episodes in this series and would like to catch up, fear you may have missed out on important faps, or are a new reader who just wants to know why this series exists at all, the following links are here for your reference:
First Wonho guide (start here if you’re new to this series)
Now that you’re up to date – let’s move on with the sixth guide to the best erotic computer games if you’re Wonho!
ROLE PLAYING GAMES
Noelle Does Her Best!
Kagura Games store page (uncensored + patch for censored versions)
For those wanting to check out Material Girl from the very first episode of this series, note that this game has now been removed from Steam completely, due to some weird dispute between publishers or whatever, I’m not sure exactly. Anyway, while we’re waiting for someone to one day rerelease it, Noelle Does Her Best! follows a fairly similar plot path to Material Girl, Princess Yukino and several other games, with our protagonist Noelle needing to earn as much money as possible in order to pay some very large debts. This involves getting to know the local townsfolk, doing lots of odd jobs, and generally being very helpful, plus getting into many classy-sexy situations.
G-Dragon’s next comeback preparations were going well
There isn’t really a lot of “game” in this game, with paths progressing very quickly and easily, and you’ll knock the entire thing out in a couple of hours probably. However that’s only a benefit, because it means that you’ll unlock all of the animated pixel art style classy-sexy scenes with a minimum of frustration. The artwork only gets better as the game progresses and the animation quality here is truly outstanding, with each jiggle of pixel-flesh and drop of bodily fluid being lovingly hand-crafted. If you don’t like the pixel-art style this game might not convert you, but if you do, and you also like Wonho games in general, then this is a must-buy. The only downside is that for some reason it does bug out with a few of the animations coming up with error messages but that could be a “me” problem.
Karryn’s Prison
itch.io store page (uncensored)
In Karryn’s Prison, Karryn becomes the new chief warden at an all-male prison. You control her while she does her best to prevent prison riots and keep the inmate population in line, which generally involves her violently slapping away their classy-sexy advances in RPG style turn-based combat. The BDSM-friendly action is quite involved and there’s a bewildering amount of stats, numbers and abilities to get your head around. Karryn might be well-endowed (although the dev recently added options to adjust her size if ultra-huge boobs offends you) but the sheer amount of combat statistics and game mechanics here are even more stacked.
Karryn’s Prison may be a confusing-ass game but it mrcs
The graphics and gameplay here are both quite smooth and impressive, this is far from a lazily programmed game, the devs have put a lot of care and attention into Karryn’s Prison and it shows. However this is also definitely not a casual-gamer friendly game, you are going to have to learn how to do a lot of stuff and then git gud at it if you want to get anywhere. I think that if you’ve got a lot of time on your hands and you’ve been frustrated by the shallow gameplay mechanics and lack of care-factor in a lot of other games in these Wonho posts, then Karryn’s Prison is most likely exactly what you’re looking for, but I recommend playing the free demo first (available at the Steam link) just to make sure that it’s up your alley before forking out the fairly expensive price tag for the full game.
Modern Pink Elf RPG
On the other end of the difficulty scale is Modern Pink Elf RPG, a game which actually has “simple progression”, “turn your brain off after a long day”, and “can be knocked out in a single evening or two” written in its own promotional material. The game involves a fantasy world elf being transported to the modern world and then having to pay their way back to their elf kingdom by way of shacking up with apartment-dwelling otaku losers and doing various mundane (and not so mundane) jobs. While it might seem strange for a game to advertise its own lack of content, clearly they know their audience.
Cleome the elf wasn’t sure about the company’s new outfit, but at least there wasn’t a fridge full of milk on set
While I’m not a huge fan of the particular art style of this game or even the look of the protagonist, some of the animations are pretty decent and the game’s advertising certainly isn’t lying about the ease at which you can unlock scenes. Progression starts slow but ramps up pretty quickly once you start meeting more characters, and you’ve soon got your hands full juggling many balls, so to speak. It’s quite good overall, although I think the price is just a little steep for the amount of content on offer, so this might be one to wishlist and grab at sale price if you’re interested in classy-sexy elf action.
Phantom Thief Sylphy 2 – The Collector
itch.io store page (uncensored)
For those who are into larger ladies (me), Phantom Thief Sylphy returns and the sequel is similar to the first game, where you play Sylphy who is a “phantom thief” (although it’s not clear exactly where the “phantom” part comes in) but now you collect paintings for some reason. The plot is a bit weird to be honest, but of course it’s all just a big excuse for Sylphy to get caught a lot and subjected to various shenanigans straight out of a Gain video.
The demands of sasaengs were just getting ridiculous…
As with the first game, the art style is great, the animations are fluid (in more ways than one) and the game pushes the RPG Maker MV engine (the same one used in the TNTHSWY games from part 2 onward) to do a lot of things that I didn’t know it could. However the game does lack a bit of user-friendliness for the intended audience, with irritating in-game delays, very little guidance on what the hell to actually do, tricky puzzles and some game mechanics which defy logic. Just one example out of many; there’s one stage where you can get coins, and another where you need to use a coin in an arcade machine, but the coins don’t transfer between where you get them and where you need to use them for some stupid reason. Sylphy also has a debit card in her inventory, and there’s an ATM in the foyer, but you can’t just get change out of the machine either. The solution to getting coins is to actually sell your underwear (see screenshot) and refuse the deal until a number that isn’t a multiple of 5 is offered that gives you change as well as notes (good luck if your country has a different currency and coins and notes come in different divisions). Unintuitive shit like this will get you stuck for hours, I actually had to reach out to the dev in order to get the information I needed to finish this game and bring you this review at all! I would have definitely preferred less effort into making the puzzles so damn hard and more Wonho scenes instead, because the scenes are great and while there’s thankfully more than the first game, there’s still too few of them. On the positive side, there’s definitely more content here overall than in the first game, so hopefully with part 3 they get the balance right.
My Newborn Life In A Harem
A completely insane game from start to finish, My Newborn Life In A Harem sees you the male protagonist die and get reincarnated as someone with a fuckton of debt. You then have to pay that debt off by working and collecting “love” all the while getting shat on and I mean really shat on by pretty much everyone. In an interesting twist on how these games usually go, your male protagonist is actually the recipient of quite a bit of classy-sexy action, including from other men! Also it’s the first game I’ve ever played where you can lose the game by being turned into a dog and then castrated.
Woof woof
Have a browse of the Steam reviews of this game for a good laugh, most people leaving a negative review of the game basically say that it’s fine in all the usual aspects except for the bits where they were forced to do really unpleasant shit all the time and all the characters were mean to them. This kind of makes My Newborn Life In A Harem a neat little twist on the usual lose-em-up Wonho game formula, subverting the usual expectations of what you might get in a game like this, which is of course why everyone who just came for a fap ran away screaming. There’s no male power-fantasy here, you will get shat on again and again and if you try to exert dominance and stand up for yourself, you will just get shat on twice as much. It reminded me of my own second-person fanfictions where I place the “you” in shitty situations just for the sake of “put yourself in someone else’s shoes” mental torture. Recommended for this reason alone, but the art is good too.
ACTION/STRATEGY GAMES
Loop Queen: Escape Dungeon 3
Loop Queen: Escape Dungeon 3 follows much the same format as the previous two games in the Escape Dungeon series, except that this time there’s no escaping and there’s also no dungeon. The entire game takes place above ground instead, and you are Queen Lily and follow a hexagonal grid and slap monsters turn-based Diablo-style, before they slap you turkey-slap style. Your aim is to progress through the above-ground “dungeon” enough to find some mystical tree to rub yourself on and climax against to reverse time and free the princess or something (I’m not exaggerating, that actually is the plot of this thing, more or less).
Queen Lily finally catches up to one of NMIXX’s songwriters and asks them to please explain what was going on with their debut song
Even though there’s no escaping and not much of a dungeon either, there sure is a whole lot of looping. Loop Queen: Escape Dungeon 3 definitely isn’t as good as either of the first two games, as the upgrade paths are kind of dull, the hex grid movement is just annoying, the decision to put everything above-ground is just kind of unsatisfying and weird, having to control multiple party members at once seems like a nice feature but it’s actually fiddly bullshit that adds nothing to the gameplay, and constantly going through the samey looking areas gradually incrementing all your numbers is boring. The Wonho content is actually quite good but it’s also not significantly better or different to the other games in the series and I lost interest in this one well before it was over. It certainly didn’t feel like it was worth the pretty steep asking price.
Sex with Hitler
Here’s one for the “I can’t believe that this actually exists but I guess someone was going to do something like this eventually” category. I’m actually a little bit unclear as to the story of “Sex With Hitler” because I kind of zoned out in the exposition part, but basically you’re Hitler and your task in this game is to go around shooting soldiers with the most bloom-affected weapons that I’ve ever seen, in some pretty basic top-down action sequences that look like they would have taken not much dev time at all to build. In between that there’s a lot of meeting various random military girls and occasionally some sex happens with Hitler and some girl but there’s no male-on-male scenes plus Hitler has both testicles intact so it’s hardly sex with Hitler in any realistic sense, now that’s a damn shame ahem.
Destroying all the documents at the back of YG headquarters before the Burning Sun detectives turned up got a little out of hand when the tanks showed up
The bulk of the effort in this game seems to have gone into the dialogue, and Hitler’s interactions with his girl squad are actually quite funny in places especially if you have enough background knowledge of WWII history to know exactly what they’re taking the piss out of. It’s honestly the only aspect of this game that makes it worth a look, because the “action” is honestly pretty repetitive and just consists of either shooting enemies from outside of their engagement range, or just rushing around corners blasting aimlessly. Furthermore, there’s so much glowing particles on everything that it’s often quite hard to tell what’s even going on. The Wonho scenes aren’t worth the price of admission either, they all look terrible. The scenes don’t look too bad as still images, but all the characters have this weird way of bobbling about that makes them look very two-dimensional, like pieces of paper flapping in the wind, and it just ruins everything, they would have been better off not bothering. Overall this is pretty bad but it does go on sale heavily discounted quite often so if the idea of a few corny WWII visual novel jokes appeals I’d say hang onto your Deutschmarks for a Steam special, fräuleins.
Isekai Frontline
A sequel of sorts to Isekai Quest (reviewed last episode), Isekai Frontline is one of the many clones of the popular game Vampire Survivors where the idea is that you’re in an open area and you get rushed by a gazillion enemies at once, and have to fend them off with randomly unlockable and gradually upgradable weapons. As you go on you also recruit some ladies to your side and they help you out and are appropriately grateful, also there are enemy girls that you capture and imprison and treat very nicely with three meals per day and regular exercise.
I have to say I’m enjoying Le Sserafim’s new image makeover
I’ll admit that I’m actually yet to play Vampire Survivors so I have no idea how Isekai Frontline stacks up against it, but I will say that I did have quite a bit of fun with Isekai Frontline although it is very grindy. You will find yourself playing the same stages a lot over and over to do the level-up thing, but it’s pretty user-friendly blasting and I didn’t mind the repetitive gameplay loop, especially as staring at the avatars made it easier. The Wonho scenes definitely do meet required standards and there’s a fair quantity of content plus the story is tolerable so I recommend this one as long as you don’t mind losing at the torn-garment roulette over and over.
For The Queen
Isekai Quest devs once again and For The Queen is an “auto-battler” type of game. I haven’t played anything like it before, but like their other games I’m sure it’s copying something in particular that I just haven’t heard of this time. Anyway you basically have a little army of conquesting evil types and and you arrange them, equip them and press go, and they fight the boring goody-two-shoes enemy armies of increasing difficulty. With each battle you’re rewarded new units and with enough of the same type you can combine them into stronger units that can fight harder battles and occasionally capture their women and put them in your dungeon for classy-sexy action. I mean, you are an evil army, after all.
The dorms were definitely not what was promised during the audition process
It’s pretty basic and easy to play once you get the hang of which units are the good ones you should focus on buffing, but there’s still a surprising amount of strategy involved. Since you don’t have direct control over your army there’s really no skill involved which is great for gamers like me who have none. Not all of the women are Wonho-grade but the ones who are definitely make up for the others and the art style is great. Probably the only weak point of this game is that the translations aren’t that great, and this is also a problem in Isekai Frontline but they’re still good enough for you to get the general idea and overall this game meets required standards.
CASUAL GAMES
Lust Goddess
Essentially a card-battling free gacha game in turn-based shooter clothing, Lust Goddess involves you gathering together a group of mercenaries and doing PvP battles… except they’re really PvE battles masquerading as PvP because everyone you’re playing against is actually a bot, something the game sneakily tries to hide by scraping the usernames of real players for its name database and adding them to the code for the bots to use. I guess programming multiplayer is hard. Along the way your mercenary squad levels up a lot and you get rewarded with sex scenes because everyone wants to bone you because you’re the hottest mercenary dude on earth… or dudette, because you can actually swap your commander to a female and yet you still have a penis in the sex scenes, now that’s pretty cool although I’m pretty sure that it’s just the devs not noticing the fuck up rather than them being inclusive and trans-friendly.
Sunmi’s high-kicking attacks in this game go ‘pporappippam’
The turn-based gameplay loop here is actually a lot of fun, and that’s the one positive thing I’ve got to say about this game. The art mostly sucks (it’s obviously AI generated with a bit of human tweaking of the final product to remove the extra fingers etc) because every single girl looks far better with her clothes on, which would be fine if the point of the game wasn’t to get them to remove said clothes. You’ll be genuinely bummed when you are forced to level up mercenaries to compete, and they then transition to their less-hot “in underwear” state, and then you can’t go back to full clothes again. The worst thing however is the paywall – after the rush of Wonho scenes from the first two hours of play, you are then drip-fed progression at the slowest crawl known to man as the game attempts to extract money out of you for its 57 different confusing currencies in order to progress further. Trust me, it’s not worth paying any money here on anything, so don’t – not only are the actual sex scenes pretty mid, but the vast majority of the other buys either aren’t useful, or are just things you’ll get anyway if you’re patient. The game constantly throws FOMO ‘deals’ at you but a lot of them don’t give you much so it’s possible to spend hundreds of dollars on buffs and not even progress all that much more than you would have anyway. If you like the idea of this game you’re actually better off downloading it and treating it as an idle game, playing for 15 minutes every few hours and just being patient. If you’re tempted to spend real money, buy one of the other games on this list instead, even the worst ones here will give you more value than this.
NSFW Solitaire
itch.io store page (uncensored)
And then there’s games that don’t try to nickel-and-dime you for every last drop, but just give you the whole fucking thing for free with no caveats at all because some developers are just good like that. I’m one of those developers, and so is the person behind NSFW Solitaire, and I HIGHLY recommend that you get this, if there’s only one game that you bother to investigate in this episode, make it this one. In fact even if you don’t give a single shit about Wonho games in general and only consume this post for the narrative amusement factor and the shitty jokes that I make, you should still get this game anyway. Why? Because not only is it a great Solitaire game, probably the best one I’ve ever played, but the NSFW element of it is fully customisable and completely optional.
Now this really is a “Wonho game”…
While the game already comes with a stack of adult content, like cheesy moans when you match the cards, naked girls and guys etc, you can change all of it, make it cater to whatever sexuality you want, or even bin all of it and have a totally SFW experience instead if you want to. On top of all of that, it’s also just an excellent Solitaire game in its own right, with every version of Solitaire in it that you can possibly think of (I didn’t know how many there were, damn there’s a lot, literally over a hundred). You will be playing Solitaire all day with this thing and not spending any money at all. Note that as an extra bonus the developer is also very approachable and responsive to constructive feedback. I told him that the game had an annoying in-game delay where it freezes your game for a few seconds each time that you do an illegal move, and he went right in and fixed it less than a day later, adding an OK button to skip the prompt. He didn’t have to do that but he did, what a legend. Because of this, I didn’t mind paying it forward and making a whole bunch of my own custom cardsets with the in-built and fairly easy-to-use card editor, and adding them to his Discord server, so you can go there (you’ll find the link at Steam) and hunt for them in the “image card sets > sfw” folder, then you can play with your faves like Wonho, Shindong, Han Seo Hee and more. Do it, caonima!
H-Isekai Loves
We have to have a match-3 game in each one of these episodes and this time it’s H-Isekai Loves, which has the usual plot of some dude being whisked away to another world where he has to solve some mega world-saving quest and also get sexy (but not quite so classy-sexy this time) with all the ladies. There’s really not a whole lot more to it than that.
In this fantasy world, all the EXO fandom are constrained to their own island, the “Isle of Exo” and shunned by the rest of the population, I guess some fantasies really are too good to be true
You’ve played this type of game before a lot probably, and the game here isn’t really any better or worse than the others. The Wonho content on offer is actually reasonable although there’s definitely not enough of it and I’m not wild on the art style, however the story that accompanies all of this is actually well-written, with a lot of humour, it doesn’t take itself very seriously at all and that’s definitely a good thing for a game like this where everyone knows why they’re playing. This game is pretty cheap so if you’re bored and you just have to play every match-3 game ever then this could be worth picking up, although I’d recommend Hunie Pop and (the first) Mirror over it.
Dungeon’s Legion
Kagura Games store page (uncensored + patch for censored versions)
Dungeon’s Legion is supposedly a strategy game, but I’m putting it under casual games because I feel like there’s really not enough interactivity in it to call it anything else. The came concept is a bit like Dungeon Keeper from years ago, where you’re isekai’ed (again – yawn) into the form of an evil dungeon lord because of reasons and you have heroes invading all the time, and your job is to keep them out. Except in this case with the added twist that the heroes aren’t invading because of gold (well, mostly not) but because you’ve been abducting women from the surface and the heroes want to rescue thy faire maidens from your evil clutches and get those virtue points. Of course you’re not going to let that happen because that would interrupt the classy-sexy and kill your generally evil vibe.
This game sure knows its audience
While a modern Wonho take on the classic Dungeon Keeper sounds like a great idea, the implementation here actually kind of sucks. Those who’ve played that game will no doubt remember the gameplay of carving out your own corridors, creating devious traps, and so forth. Well forget all of that, because Dungeon’s Legion doesn’t let you do any of that stuff. The ‘dungeon’ is just a series of interconnected empty rooms in a grid that you can’t even edit, it might as well just be a flat square. All you can do is fill rooms with creatures and a few area debuffs to stop heroes from getting from one side to the other and that’s it, no mazes, no fancy traps, no nothing. Also for such a simple game it’s oddly janky; the scrolling is juddery, the controls aren’t exactly intuitive, everything loads slowly, and it even crashes fairly often especially in windowed mode, which is baffling for a game with so little actual game in it. The saving grace is the Wonho content and even that’s only about average, there are other games that do it better.
VISUAL NOVELS
Wolf Of Stock Street
This episode’s visual novel is Wolf Of Stock Street, and it’s not really a linear novel as such but more of a trading simulator, except that the trading isn’t particularly complex and doesn’t make a lot of sense so it’s basically still a visual novel because it at least makes sense on that level, kind of. In it you… trade, and have sex with girls, and that’s really about it. I guess that’s all it needs to be, getting ultra-rich and getting laid is its own reward and doesn’t require too much scrutiny, I guess.
I guess I’m going to source the next episode’s Wonho games from the STEM platform, given their recent stock performance
The game won’t keep you entertained for long but it’s pretty, the girls meet required standards and the Mandarin voices are hot. It’s definitely worth picking up on sale especially if you are a fucking nerd and you probably are because you’ve read this far into a computer game post which has only the most tenuous links to k-pop in it. If you liked Cruelty Squad’s organ, fish and stocks trading but felt alienated because there was actually also a really good and really ugly looking FPS game attached to it, then Wolf Of Stock Street might be for you because it’s got more or less the same trading but it’s a lot easier to fap to and you won’t feel obligated to shoot things or question capitalism all that much.
That’s all for this post! Let’s hope Wonho is able to now enjoy some new games to get him through the final stretch of his military service! Kpopalypse will return!
