In a now-viral post on Reddit‘s infamous “AITA,” a man asked netizens if he was the a*shole for disproving his Korean mother-in-law walking his daughter to school.
The now-deleted post was originally posted to AITA by u/Planetary-1029 and is now reposted by Sad-Obligation-4889. OP (Original Poster) explained that while he is White, his wife is Korean Canadian. So, their daughter, Jane, which is not her real name, is biracial.
I (39M) have a rambunctious, adorable 6-year-old daughter, Jane (not her real name). I am white, but my wife (39F) is Korean-Canadian.
— u/Planetary-1029
Unrelated pre-debut photo of NewJeans’ Danielle | SweetDaniS2
The wife’s parents flew to Toronto from Korea to visit. Jane’s grandparents were so happy to spend as much time as possible with her as they stayed for just two weeks.
Last month, my wife’s parents flew in to Toronto to visit us. They were overjoyed to see Jane, and they played with her and spent as much time with her as possible, creating memories. My parents-in-law spent two weeks in Canada, and we all had a good time.
— u/Planetary-1029
| Conor Samuel via Unsplash
So, OP’s mother-in-law joyfully volunteered to walk Jane to school daily since it was near the house. It was a great bonding time for the grandmother and her granddaughter, as they would even speak to each other in Korean. Yet, this is what concerned the OP. He worried about what the predominantly White neighbors and schoolmates would think of the two conversing in a foreign language.
We live literally right next to Jane’s school. So every now and then, my mother-in-law would walk Jane to school. And each time, my daughter and my MIL would speak to each other in Korean, and they would bond with each other. Which was nice…..but to be honest, we live in a somewhat ‘white’ neighbourhood, and I figured that the other children would get weirded out by this old foreign woman speaking some language they don’t understand.
— u/Planetary-1029
Unrelated photo of kids used for illustrative purposes | Vitolda Klein via Unsplash
Eventually, OP suggested to his mother-in-law that she assist his wife in the morning with chores while he walked Jane to school. Both his wife and mother-in-law seemingly had no issues with this suggestion, unknowing of his reasons.
So one day, I suggested to my MIL that rather than walking my daughter to school, she would assist my wife in doing the morning chores, and that I’ll walk Jane to school each morning. My MIL and wife both had no problems with this; they just said ‘whatever’.
— u/Planetary-1029
Unrelated photo of Kim Young Ok in “Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha”
Now, OP’s parents-in-law have returned home to Korea. So, he and his wife were reflecting on the time spent with them. The conversation was initially wholesome and heartwarming…
Anyway, my wife’s parents are now back in Korea once again. A few nights ago, I was lying in bed with my wife, in the dark, casually chatting with her, and we started talking about her parents’ visit to Toronto and how sweet it was.
— u/Planetary-1029
…until OP confessed that he was worried about his mother-in-law “embarrassing” Jane. He explained his reasoning, but his wife was shocked and told him it was insulting. So, she left to sleep elsewhere.
While we were talking about this, I mentioned that I didn’t want to ’embarrass’ Jane by having my wife’s mother drop her off at school every morning. My wife just froze, and she turned the light on and she asked me if I knew how insulting I sounded. We didn’t get into a fight or anything, because Jane was fast asleep, but we had a bitter argument, and my wife grabbed her pillow and went downstairs to sleep.
— u/Planetary-1029
Unrelated photo for illustrative purposes | Phil Desforges via Unsplash
OP then concluded by suggesting not only would he be the a*shole, but so should his wife. He wrote, “If I am the a*shole, would my wife also be the a*shole for getting way too insulted?”
When the post garnered attention, OP attempted to add clarifying information. Yet, he only added more fuel to the fire, describing his mother-in-law as “a traditionally Korean woman who just happened to be dripping with FOB-ness.”
Oh hey there.
I’m the OOP of this AITA post. I didn’t expect it to gain so much traction so quickly. I just need to clarify some things here:
When I said that we live in a ‘somewhat white’ neighbourhood….I think I worded it incorrectly. Yes, I am aware that other races exist. HOWEVER, what I really meant by my description was more like, we live in a more westernized, less-multicultural part of Toronto. And my MIL is very much a traditionally Korean woman who just happened to be dripping with FOB-ness. I didn’t want Jane to be bullied by the other kids because of her grandmother (btw, despite what some of you may think, I am on very good terms with my MIL). I hope all this makes sense.
— u/Planetary-1029
Unrelated photo used for illustrative purposes | WNYC
“FOB” is short for the derogatory term “Fresh Off The Boat.” Many Asians consider it racist.
The phrase fresh off the boat (FOB), off the boat (OTB), are sometimes-derogatory terms used to describe immigrants who have arrived from a foreign nation and have yet to assimilate into the host nation’s culture, language, and behavior, but still continue with their ethnic ideas and practices.
— Wikipedia
Netizens were disgusted by OP’s attitude. They especially felt sympathetic toward the wife, saying that she was married to a racist.
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What do you think? Is OP the a*shole?
