It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Gunil from Xdinary Heroes got kicked from his group this week for calling his fans bitches… actually he didn’t call them “bitches”, he used some other word that’s way worse and supposedly super mega ultra offensive but has no accurate English translation, but as “bitches” is apparently the closest equivalent that’s what the news sites are using. As a connoisseur of all things super mega ultra offensive, I am now on a quest to find out what this mysterious word is so I can create the most accurate perfect translation of it and then use it constantly.
KATSEYE – Hootie Frutti
Since people think Waterbomb is just a “fun water festival” and there’s nothing sexual about it and those people think I’m a creep for pointing out that gosh maybe it could in fact be ever-so-slightly sexual, I expect those people to remain calm and quiet about the visuals in this new Katseye song. “Yoonchae just turned 18 and look what they’re doing” – relax kids, it’s not a fucking gangbang. It’s just innocent dancing like in any western pop video and you just have a filthy mind. There’s just lots of water in the video because spraying water is “fun”, and the clothes showing a lot of skin is just so you can see how hard they worked on their bodies (you can show some appreciation at this link if you want, yes they are eligible). “But what about the music, Kpopalypse you’ll review anything but the music omg…” shut up and be a good corporate slave and buy those orange Tic Tacs, we all know the music is hardly the point. Fererro Group thanks you for your patronage.
Seo Eve feat. Issei – Chocolatte
Meanwhile Seo Eve is out here literally saving k-pop and everyone is asleep. You want short k-pop songs that are short but not barely-even-there short? Check. You want age-appropriate concepts for young people? Check. You want “not following the latest bullshit trend”? Check. You want stupidly catchy choruses that actually sound good when they’re sung along to by a human on this Earth? Check. You want a rap in a song but without a stupid sloppy beat-change breakdown into some slow boring shit? Check. But oh no, repeat-play the latest trending song and pretend how horrified you are. You’re totally disgusted, sure you are, we get it. You don’t need to write a reply to convince me, I believe you. We understand each other completely. Oh and support Seo Eve, you fuckwits. Or don’t, see if I care. She’s doing just fine without you.
Hearts2Hearts – Iconic Heart
Hearts2Hearts take NewJeansification and run with it in a direction which reminds me of the old E-Tribe “wall of noise” approach (SNSD’s “Gee“, T-ara’s “Yayaya“) from 15 years ago. There’s so much sound in this thing that it nearly falls over, and I’m not sure if that’s the right direction for it, but at least it’s enough to make the song feel different enough to all the other NewJeans clone songs out there.
TXT – Setsuna Hanabi
The choice of instrument patches is quite interesting here, the combination of distorted bass, the tinny synth lead and the snare drum that sounds like being turkey slapped by [insert your TXT bias here] is certainly something. The song itself is lagging behind though.
Yeonjun – Fxxking Star
“I’m a fucking star / black leather pants and smash guitars / so don’t fucking start / cus I could pull up right where you are”. I hope he does, I’d give him a guitar lesson. I mean, look at him here:
That first chord at 0:24 isn’t anything at all, and the second one at 0:25 also isn’t anything, plus he’s playing with his left hand fingers concave on the frets which is a bad habit that needs to be trained out of beginners because it reduces the amount of force you can apply to the string (with the obvious exception being some barre chords such as major barre with the root on the fifth string). Then he just puts the fucking thing down and dances for the rest of the video. If you want to do the rock star pose thing, at least get the credentials. Kpopalypse is willing to help, drop me a line with any guitar questions, Yeonjun.
Miyeon – Run Away
Run away from what? Relevance, perhaps? That guitar won’t help if you can’t play it. Once again we get “nothing chords” at 2:40, if you turned the thing on at that point it’d sound worse than a Lil Wayne guitar solo. Come on idol training system, maybe swap out an hour of the 80 hours of dance practice per week you give your trainees into some beginner guitar lesson time. You don’t have to hire a guru like Kpopalypse, anyone with some intermediate guitar skill could get these people up to speed. Why not get Jeewon to do it, I hear she’s at a loose end lately.
AxMxP – 10 Reasons to Date Me
…and when they can play their instruments, they do boring stuff like this. Perhaps just forget I said anything.
AtHeart – A Piece Of My Heart
The song submitter tells me that this is “ad for Sejong City Cultural Tourism Foundation and National Hangeul Museum”. Not sure why only three girls are in this though, perhaps the others weren’t historically knowledgable enough and they’re trying to avoid a controversy like the one that AOA’s Jimin dealt with a decade ago. Anyway this song isn’t bad but it’s a bit too pedestrian to be interesting.
idnnt – Deep Dream
I had a deep dream that people in Korea woke up to the memo the rest of the world got 20 years ago and stopped thinking hard Autotune sounds good. Then I woke up and heard this.
Jun.K feat. Wendy – Your Lips
Jun.K writes a lame R&B song which I presume is about the recent changes to Wendy’s face and it’s probably the most touching thing he’s ever done.
aoen – BOoM×2 DROP
Just another HYBE song featuring some group made up of random letters yapping over a beat while dancing in a random unspectacular location. Nothing to see, or hear, here.
AND2BLE – Happy &
This group shooting a “for the fans” video on that stage where they got to play as the opening act on a dozen-group event that one time and the fans of the other groups politely waved and clapped along. Okay, maybe they’re bigger than that, but it sure doesn’t look like it.
siso, ALICE U – Ain’t Good
Accurate song title of the week. I do like how the female rapper sounds a bit like Eazy E though.
MEPC – Protectors
Another multinational group (ChoColat paved the way for your faves) but any cross-cultural visual appeal is quickly diluted by some of the most ill-advised AI slop visuals I’ve ever seen. People are thinking the music is AI too, but I’m not so sure, I’d expect at least a baseline level of competence from something completely machine-generated. I feel like it takes human stupidity to fuck up this badly.
Splayit – Last bus
Oh wow it’s a boy group named after what my cat does when she sits on the couch and starts licking herself. I predict that this fact will be more interesting than any music this group ever produces.
IRISÉ – Heart Crush
This is probably just Davichi or some shit. I liked them better as humans.
Jeong Eunji – I love Love
Ms Pacman is back! Speaking of which, why did they even call it “Ms Pacman” back then, why not “Pacwoman”? Were they implying that Pacman transitioned? Was “Ms Pacman” actually meant to be a transphobic slur and I just didn’t realise? Something to think about for today.
Kim Jiwoong – Sign
That thumbnail definitely looks like my reader with a crush on the ZB1 boys (of which Jiwoong is one) is deepthroating him below the frame. Speaking of which you can vote for Jiwoong or whoever else you want to in the 2026 Kpopalypse Objectification Survey, better get onto it quickly or don’t complain when your bias doesn’t chart!
Rocky – Fake It
Rocky’s song quality track record is certainly rocky and here’s another bump.
Neukjun – Lemonade
Some nugu does generic boy slop at least as well as most of the A-list. SM should be embarrassed.
ALL’N – Dream Higher
Wow, this guy is really putting in work for your votes in the 2026 Kpopalypse Objectification Survey. Look at all that “fun” water. Not many people are voting this year, better get onto it quickly or don’t complain when your bias doesn’t chart!
Pyoapple feat. PM – Tonight
You could also vote for Pyoapple in the 2026 Kpopalypse Objectification Survey. She seems like a nice girl who definitely deserves your vote so why not? Voting is open until the end of the month!
KAVE – Flowerburn
You may not remember Kave, but they did well in the Kpopalypse 2024 favourites list and they’re back with another banger. Not sure what that breakdown section is doing in there (a guitar solo would have worked way better) but other than that, this isn’t bad at all.
eaJ – Feel Myself
Only a thot feels themselves, Jae.
MRCH – 10/10
Who says there’s no concepts left in k-pop? You think it’s all just “cute”, “sexy” or “girl crush” but here we have the “Paul Allen murder scene in American Psycho” concept. MRCH’s early work was a little too new wave for my taste. But when 10/10 came out, I think she really came into her own, commercially and artistically. The whole production has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the song a big boost. She’s been compared to IU, but I think MRCH has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor. Also this song is actually very good. It’s a song so catchy so stylistic, most people probably don’t listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it’s not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends, it’s about 빠빠 빠빠빠… hey Johnny Noh!
HYNN – Three days after
Hynn is boring yet again. Also pointing the Shure Super 55 at her chest instead of her face, not sure why.
DAWN – Too Much
Oh, get over it, Dawn. She was too good for you. You blew it. Better luck next time.
Urban Zakapa – Blue Diamond
I know these days people are all doom and gloom about k-pop, but let me tell you, there’s been progress. Ten years ago I used to say Urban Zakapa was shit and people got terribly offended. These days I say it and people say “who’s Urban Zakapa?” Progress.
Rothy – Sweetest
I don’t like this song much but I just wanted to have something by a solo act this week that had properly mimed guitar playing in it.
Colde – Shut Da Fxxka and Go
This had some potential but hard Autotune and rock music do not mix.
Ddori – Seoul Snob
Song is poop but this is worth checking out just for the acting performance. Excellent stuff.
KRS-ONE – What Is The Message
Here’s our random non-Korean feature of the week. It’s far from his best song but even on a bad day KRS-ONE is good and I just liked the video because we get to see him digging through the crates at the record shop. Anyone on TikTok who yaps on about how I’m racist because I don’t like some trendy bullshit who doesn’t instantly recognise at least 95% of the album covers in this video has no place speaking on black music.
TWERK VIDEOS THAT I MISSED OH NOES SECTION
CHIO CHICANO – Pew Pew
How did I miss this gem. Truly enlightening. It even has a Wonder Girls reference, you can’t get better than that.
ROSY BARBIE – 10 out of 10
Soulja Boy if he was a Korean girl in office wear. I can dig it.
ROSY BARBIE ft. BILL STAX – Bad Girl
Rosy Barbie’s other song isn’t quite as much fun but it’s still better than CL trying to do the same thing about ten times in the 2010s. I do enjoy the twerk-friendly presentation and especially those very impractical sunglasses.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
evieworld – How RESCENE Became South Korea’s Favorite Girl Group
If you’re not in the loop about Rescene and how they suddenly became successful for no reason, this video is a good overview that you might find useful. It is actually a good video, no AI slop, no clickbait title, does what it says on the box. Thank you, evieworld, we need more creators like you.
dearyoongi – things I hate about kpop youtube
Another good video, mainly just because she admits to initially using a robot voice and admitting that it wasn’t really a great idea to do that. We love education and learning here. Also, again no dishonest clickbait title. Good job, dearyoongi. Disappointed that I’m not on the list of things she hates though, maybe I need to work on it. I might do another narrative k-pop video one day but since I don’t really like talking as much as writing I’m not sure if I could be fucked. But I’m open to suggestions for video content. Perhaps a video revisit of some more old topics is on the horizon…
NINE MUSES – Figaro
Nine Muses took a while to find their form, and “Figaro” was definitely before that time. It’s still decent and definitely the start of them finding some quality, thanks to Sweetune I guess. I didn’t look it up but this song sounds very Sweetunish so it’s probably them. Only they would think about doing a slap bass breakdown like that.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week! In the meantime don’t forget that the latest Kpopalypse Objectification survey is now live and accepting votes! Don’t forget to vote – do it for [insert your bias here]! Stay safe, caonimas!
