The news of the formation of alt. rock supergroup Tomahawk in 2001 came as a fabulous bolt from the blue. Featuring frontman Mike Patton (Faith No More/Mr. Bungle), guitarist Duane Denison (The Jesus Lizard), bassist Kevin Rutmanis (Melvins) and drummer John Stanier (Helmet), the quartet’s pedigree was undeniable, and their self-titled debut album, released on Patton’s own Ipecac Recordings label, more than lived up to expectations.
There was then much excitement when Tomahawk announced their first UK tour in the spring of 2002, with dates booked at The Astoria in London (March 10), The Garage in Glasgow (March 11), and Manchester Academy 2 (March 12). The shows would live long in the memories of all in attendance, with those of us who had tickets for the London show seeing rather more of Mike Patton than anyone had anticipated.
Patton, it’s fair to say, was not in the best of moods on the evening of March 10, as is evidenced by bootleg recordings of Tomahawk’s London debut. The singer had apparently been involved in an ‘altercation’ with over-officious security staff when entering the central London venue, and was still seething when the quartet took the stage.
“Did you guys have a hard time getting in here tonight?” he asked the audience half an hour into the gig. “You know, I must confess it was a little difficult for me as well. So I’d like to dedicate this next song to the lovely security staff here at the Astoria. They work hard for their money… give them a fucking hand.”
“They don’t look amused,” he added afterwards, fully aware that English people are no strangers to sarcasm.
Fifteen minutes later, however, the security staff were considerably less amused, because at that point, after some verbal sparring, it appeared that Patton pulled out his penis, and proceeded to urinate over them, with photographers in the venue’s photo pit and some stage-front crowd members also getting caught in the ‘downpour’. This did absolutely nothing to ease the tension in the venue, as one might imagine.
The following day, Ipecac Records released a hilariously tongue-in-cheek statement about the incident, suggesting that Patton was in a bad mood following a disagreement which erupted during a pre-show backstage meeting with Deftones frontman Chino Moreno, Incubus vocalist Brandon Boyd, Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst, Coby Dick from Papa Roach, Slipknot’s Joey Jordison, Gavin Rossdale from Bush and Faith No More’s Bill Gould: the topic under discussion, allegedly, was a “multi-million dollar” offer for Faith No More to headline a nu metal festival tour. The fact that at least one of the musicians involved in this pow-wow was on tour in America on this date tells you all you need to know about the veracity of this claim. But let’s not get bogged down in facts, shall we?
“Before taking the stage Tomahawk bandmates Kevin Rutmanis and Duane Denison lightened Mike’s dark mood by showing him the toys they purchased earlier in one of London’s finest fetish stores,” the Ipecac statement continued. “One of the items was a rubber dildo that squirts water. Mike decided that this would be the perfect prank to get even with the nu-metal lovin’ hooligan security guard.
“I think everyone knows the rest of the story and has seen the pictures. When Mike was apprehended back stage and pulled the dildo from his pants, the tension was relieved and all parties had a laugh about it except the photographers at the front of the stage that thought it was real.”
All fun and – sigh – ‘bants’ then…. except that if you happen to have the opportunity to look at photos from the night, let’s say, for example, the photographs taken by former Kerrang! / NME photographer Martyn Goodacre which we decided not to republish here, and which we won’t link to, but which are currently still accessible on the Getty Images website, you can very, very clearly see that the ‘dildo’ in Patton’s hand is not, in fact, a dildo… unless the ‘fetish store’ in question was the only one in the world which sold flesh-coloured dildos complete with straggly pubic hair, for extra authenticity.
That said, the brightest sparks in London’s Metropolitan police force duly accepted that the appendage in question was Patton’s “stunt cock”, so let’s all pretend that that’s what it was, because no-one likes a grass, do they?