It’s the return of the only k-pop related awards that matter – it’s time for kpopalypse.com to check out who is punching who in the face for alopecia jokes at the 2025 Kpopalypse Awards!
THE 2025 KPOPALYPSE AWARDS
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THE KPOPALYPSE “I LIKEY LIKEY DIS TEAR” KOREAN NETIZEN TEAR EXTRACTION AND PRESERVATION AWARD 2025
Who specifically made Korean fans cry hardest in 2025?
Nominees:
Hyuna – for doing nothing in particular in front of a camera and upsetting everyone anyway
Karina (aespa) – for doing nothing in particular in front of a camera and upsetting everyone anyway
NewJeans – for doing nothing in particular in front of a camera in a courtroom and upsetting everyone anyway
Blackpink – for blocking the camera view and upsetting everyone anyway
and the winner is:
KARINA
Always winning at life, Karina also wins the Korean fan butthurt category yet again! Heavy is the head that wears the ‘it girl’ crown, and Karina upset a whole bunch of Koreans for supposedly showing support for right-wing political parties, but it was more likely that they were just jealous because they couldn’t count to 2 or remember what the colour red looked like. Congratulations Karina, for being the best children’s TV educator in k-pop!
THE KPOPALYPSE “I LIKEY LIKEY DAT TEAR” GLOBAL K-POP NETIZEN TEAR EXTRACTION AND PRESERVATION AWARD 2025
Who specifically made international fans cry hardest in 2025?
Nominees:
NewJeans – for losing at court but winning at annoying k-pop fans
Park Bom (2NE1) – for drunk-texting YG her latest romance novel drafts
Kiss Of Life – for partying hard
W Korea – for partying even harder
and the winner is:
W KOREA
As last year’s winners of this category NewJeans proved, k-pop fans sure have a boner for their favourite idols doing exactly what they’re told by management at all times without question, and if the fans fall out of step with the company line all it takes is a bit of subtle social media nudging to reel them back in. However it seems that when that instruction is “go to a breast cancer charity event and help yourself to the complimentary bon-bons” all that desire for corporate compliance goes right out the window. How dare your favourite idols follow the instructions of their companies and attend token corporate wank “charity” party events that achieve nearly nothing for their stated causes, just like all your western faves freely do so they can pad out the “philanthropy” sections of their Wikipedia pages. Why didn’t they exercise their incredible amounts of autonomy and choice, something the k-pop system is so well known for? I guess they weren’t rebels in their hearts.
THE KPOPALYPSE “I LIKE DIS LIKE DAT YEAH” K-RAP CREDIBILITY AWARD 2025
Who had the freshest, flyest hip-hop style of 2025?
Nominees:
Katseye – for having the most controversial rap hit of 2025 that had no actual rap in it
Illit – for shaming rappers out of their entire careers
Kiss Of Life – for remembering that hip-hop is also a cultural movement
Go Won (ex-Loossemble) – for doing none of the above
and the winner is:
KATSEYE
Thanks to all you people constantly spamming western music at me because you think I’m Westernpopalypse for some reason, my YouTube algorithm has learned all your useless links and is now filled to the brim with bullshit videos from western pop and rap pundits who I don’t give a single fuck about instead of the k-pop that I actually have YouTube for in the first place. That’s how I found out that Katseye went absolutely nuclear with “Gnarly” this year in all the right ways. The complaining about some porn-flick moan nobody even noticed until it was pointed out to them may have seemed excessive, but trust me that it paled into comparison to the amount of whining from western pop pundits that Katseye was “killing hip-hop” and a new low bar for absolutely everything. Hey if it’s even still breathing at this point, I give Katseye permission to put western hip-hop out of its misery.
THE KPOPALYPSE “SHUBIDUBI SHALALALA URIDURI YAYAYAYA” CROSS-CULTURAL K-POP SENSITIVITY AWARD 2025
Who raised more awareness of cultural sensitivities than any other idol in 2025?
Nominees:
Junhan (Xdinary Heroes) – for sharing his thoughts on the “other” MBTI
Kiss Of Life – for partying hard
Jungkook (BTS) – for making k-pop fashion great again
MC Mong – for providing the final solution to idols’ interior decorating needs
and the winner is:
KISS OF LIFE
In the least surprising result of the year, Kiss Of Life scooped the coveted “cultural sensitivity” awards, and you’d better believe the girls are pretty sensitive and bruised about culture at this point after copping a beating from every k-pop fan who didn’t want to miss a chance to be performatively outraged for c-word. I don’t think anyone would blame any of the girls for doubling-down and starting the world’s first neo-Nazi k-pop group, given that supposedly “progressive” k-pop fans are all convinced that the girls are all basically Hitler and there’s no path to redemption for them, so they have nothing to lose. They could run with their new audience if they wanted, but the boring reality is probably that there’s no ideology or thought behind any of it and the girls are just thick as two planks, so you can probably look forward to them fucking up again somehow soon. In the meantime I hope this award makes them feel a bit better.
THE KPOPALYPSE “C’MON C’MON MAKE IT, C’MON C’MON TAKE IT” AWARD FOR STUNNING ACHIEVEMENT IN THE FIELD OF K-POP GENDER RELATIONS 2025
Who did more to highlight important gender issues in k-pop in 2025?
Nominees:
Solar (Mamamoo) – for proving that mandatory miltiary service is an equal opportunity employer
NewJeans – for being the first females in Korea to win a sexual harrassment case ever
Jay Park – for singing about breasts at a beast cancer awareness event
Junhwan (IDID) – for proving he’s got what it takes to be a k-pop video director
and the winner is:
JAY PARK
W Korea’s event for raising awareness of breast cancer was certainly criticised, and some of those crticisms singled out Jay Park’s performance of “Mommae” at the event. Lyrics of the ten-year old song include the lines “I don’t know what our relationship is / but I’d like to be introduced to the twins hanging on your chest” and “What does it taste like / all natural peaches and melons” which definitely show that Jay is raising awareness of breasts, so he’s certainly at least part of the way towards raising awareness of breast cancer. You’ve got to crawl before you can walk, folks. He also performed at the event while injured on crutches, for no fee, so arguably this is the most charitable thing he’s done since he started a free OnlyFans and sent my girlfriend that complimentary bottle of soju… oh hang on, I’m still waiting for that bottle. Damn, hurry up, Jay.
THE KPOPALYPSE “BLING BLING JEWELRY CHAIN” 2025 AWARD FOR THE K-POP PERFORMER MOST WILLING TO GO THE EXTRA MILE TO PAY OFF THEIR TRAINEE DEBTS
Who paid down their company debts in the boldest, most daring ways in 2025?
Nominees:
Park Bom (2NE1) – for suing for that $4.5 quadrillion bag
NewJeans – for attempting to nullify their contract using the little-known “taking my bat and ball and going to Antarctica” clause
Yiren (Everglow) – for using social media pressure to try and scrape a coin out of her agency
Sunmi – for rugpulling the fuck out of her fans NFT style
and the winner is:
PARK BOM
When taking legal action against an old agency, it can be tough to set a price for compensation and damages. Legal cases usually look at payouts in terms of “lost potential earnings”, but this requires some forward estimation – how do you truly know your own potential? People have been worried about Park Bom’s mental health but her self-esteem at least must be sky-high given that she stated that she would sue YG Entertainment for the equivalent of 4.5 quadrillion dollars, which is about 35 times the current global GDP. Clearly she thinks her potential is future ruler of the entire solar system, and to that I say – why the fuck not. There’s enough meek k-pop performers moping along with no pay to speak of, might as well aim for the stars.
THE KPOPALYPSE “T-ARA LOVE” AWARD FOR THE 2025 K-POP GIRL GROUP DEBUT ABLE TO GENERATE THE MOST HATE FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON OTHER THAN BEING ATTRACTIVE FEMALES THAT OTHER LESS ATTRACTIVE FEMALES ARE JEALOUS OF
Who was the most fearless rookie girl-group punching-bag of 2025?
Nominees:
Hearts2hearts – supposedly hated for some scandals no-one cares about, but really hated because they dared to debut and show their faces
KiiiKiii – supposedly hated for some scandals no-one cares about, but really hated because they dared to debut and show their faces
Baby Don’t Cry – supposedly hated for some scandals no-one cares about, but really hated because they dared to debut and show their faces
AtHeart – supposedly hated for some scandals no-one cares about, but really hated because they dared to debut and show their faces
and the winner is:
BABY DON’T CRY
This year’s debut girl group scandals were mainly the usually bullying nonsense, but Baby Don’t Cry stuck out, as their scandal revolved around people thinking that the F in their song “F Girl” stood for something sexual, which was a concern to some because of the very young age of the girls in the group. Of course I could not think of any words beginning with F that could be considered sexual in any way and neither could their label, who quickly moved to clarify that there was nothing fucking sexual about the song whatsoever, but I’m sure some fetishistic faggot bitches (hi Zico) somewhere will come up with fucking something while flirtatiously fondling their flaccid foreskins. We hope that the label protects these girls from the frotteurism of these freakishly flaggelating fake fans. It’s nothing sexual, it’s just a song about getting an F on your school report card because you’re a fucking failure and you don’t give a fuck, which is very caonima and Australian of them, so Kpopalypse says “fair dinkum“!
THE KPOPALYPSE “BO PEEP BO PEEP” AWARD FOR HIGHLIGHTING LACK OF K-POP FAN CRITICAL THINKING 2025
Who did more to reveal the stupidity of k-pop fans than anybody else in 2025?
Nominees:
NewJeans – for losing at court but winning at sightseeing
Kiss Of Life – for partying hard
Karina (aespa) – for teaching netizens how to identify colours and count just like Sesame Street
Winter (aespa) – for following in the footsteps of Karina’s dating hate
and the winner is:
WINTER
Last year Karina kicked up a storm by daring to be a normal person and have a dating life, which outraged everyone and for some reason she copped all the hate instead of him, and this forced her to grovel and write handwritten apology letters like she had just thrown an old-school hip-hop party. Somehow this groveling managed to placate people to the point where Karina can still have a career which is nice, but this year groupmate Winter went and did the same old thing, and then fans did the same old thing and blamed her because they’re misogynist shits, and then Winter wrote a handwritten letter, no wait she didn’t do anything of the sort, that’s the spirit Winter, good work, don’t clarify, don’t explain, and don’t apologise for getting dicked down! It’s 2025 and we’re all feminists now or something, that means that grown women should be able to enjoy BTS boy cock if they want to and everyone else gets to shut up and deal with it.
That’s all for the 2025 Kpopalypse Awards! We hope that you have enjoyed tonight’s presentation! Please make your way out of the auditorium quietly without disturbing the neighbours, as they’re probably busy learning to count to 2! Kpopalypse will return!
