It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
NewJeans fans have started leaning on YouTuber MrBeast to save the group (although how exactly he’s supposed to do that while they’re in legal limbo is uncertain). He seemed pretty confused by even a basic overview of what’s happening, he should really read kpopalypse.com to get up to speed.
Chuu – XO, My Cyberlove
A somewhat tone-deaf song conceptually, singing about “my cyberlove” right at the peak of global AI hate (I lie, it’ll only go up from here folks) plus pushing some oddly heterosexual vibes, it’s clear that her label are a bit clueless as to Chuu’s appeal. It’s still a great song anyway with shades of Fifty Fifty’s “SOS” so my boring heterosexual AI-bot-making ass will take it.
TARZZAN – Medusa
Tarzzan making a play for a 1-2 punch on the 2025 and 2026 worst of k-pop lists. I’m not sure if this is enough though, as there’s some nice sounds at the very end (and nice hairstyles too uwu), although to be fair you do have to listen to two minutes of some of the worst mumble-ass nonsense imaginable to get there. So you never know where this could end up.
YOUNG POSSE x Benzo – Lose Your Shxt
Messy but ballsy enough to work. Could have done without the male rapping and the lame singing sections, and the AI slop cat does not mrcs, but apart from that, we’re good.
LATENCY – It Was Love
It’s good to see Jiwon/Jeewon/Zzone/Yura Oguna’s martial arts sparring partner/(insert whatever she’s calling herself next week here) and friends rocking but the song isn’t that exciting, coming off like an AOA B-side from 2014.
Jimin – 0108
Speaking of which, the original squeaky k-pop girl rocker herself isn’t even up to AOA filler track standard here, boringly moping along with nary a “hey” in sight.
IVE – Beats
This missed the Christmas songs but it’s just as much of a waste of time as anything in that list so just don’t bother.
ALPHA DRIVE ONE – Freak Alarm
These group names, geez. There’s nothing in this song which justifies such a name, this is typical retro 90s style boy pop by numbers.
CNBLUE – Killer Joy
Not bad but it’s definitely missing something. I mean, besides the ex-member who was in Burning Sun chatrooms… although on second thought maybe that’s exactly what it’s missing, a second guitar would have helped. Perhaps get someone else to do it though, maybe Jeewon can join and get some practice in.
1MILLION – At Us
Just a dance track, nothing more, which I guess is the point.. The dances look good too, but I don’t know shit about dancing or care about it really so this is all pretty lost on me.
Waker – Like That
They definitely sound like wakers to me. The songwriters should have spent less time waking off and more time trying to write a song better than this… okay, I’m just being a waker, it’s not that bad really. It’s not that good either.
ONE OR EIGHT – Power
Not much power here. Someone should have turned the power off.
COMMA – Toxic Sugar
Not much of interest here but it’s impressive that this clearly nugu boy group can make a song just as average as all the A-list boy groups this week.
DanJerous – Winter Door
Christian horse girls except it’s a duo and one of them is a guy. Apparently this brother-sister dance duo has been around for a while but I think this is their first original song and it’s… pretty average to be honest, but it’s still better than most of what else we’ve got.
HADES – Planet B
A well-named group because this is definitely the spawn of satan.
AESTHER – Starlight
Going for that “Golden” feel but the songwriting isn’t there and the CGI isn’t there either. Another Kpopalypse prediction comes true?
Xita, Swervy – Broken Survivor
This semi-grunge semi-rap thing shouldn’t work, but it definitely does. What’s even more surprising is that Swervy fits it like a glove.
Hongjoong – No1
Lots of boy solos this week and I’m going to delete them from roundup mostly because your time is worth more than that. Here’s just one to make you feel grateful that I removed the others.
Bada – Our Loud Goodbye
Bada desecrates Kim Lip’s missile silo with an awful ballad nobody wants to hear.
Loco – Radio
The more years pass between Loco and T-ara’s Hyomin collaborating, the further he strays from the light.
BIG Naughty feat. Gary – Sincere Lies
Someone threw this guy down a well to shut him up but unfortunately he kept singing.
Dynamic Duo feat. Sunghoon of Enhypen – Watch It, Feel It
Dynamic Duo being boring again.
Suspix – TV TV
Some kind of stab at an 80s new wave thing and it’s not too bad but it’s just a bit bland and won’t make you throw out your Devo records.
Xiihu – Cold Hands
Hey this is really good, texturally different, cool sounds, great song, great video. Recommended, but nobody will listen to it probably because they’re into some dicksucking trash music instead.
IGORR – Headbutt
When extreme metal meets extreme classical art wank, this is what you get. It’s pretty fucking good actually, enjoy this week’s random music pick. Now THIS is how you do a change-up.
Sugar Rain – I am a cat
mrcs
THE “FOR THE FANS” DUMPING GROUND
ZEROBASEONE (ZB1) – Running to Future
Some lame “for the fans” crap.
Stray Kids – Stay
More lame “for the fans” crap.
Yena – It Was Love
Even more lame “for the fans” crap.
Billlie – A Hope Song
Oh my god will the “for the fans” crap stop this week. I hope for less of this stuff and more songs for normal people again please. Also whatever happened to early Billlie, now that was a vibe that was thrown out into the agency dumpster for no good reason.
P1Harmony – Dancing Queen
Make it stop please. Can we have a group make a song telling their fans to fuck off for a change. Sex Pistols used to spit on them, GG Allin would attack them, I want some of that energy in k-pop. It’s boring in punk music because it’s such a cliche in that scene, but in k-pop it’d honestly be refreshing at this point.
Yoyomi – Nanda Yoyomi
Even Yoyomi is getting in on the act, with her “for the fans” song being some children’s-TV-tier nonsense, she must think her fans are all either 8 or 80.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
CelebExplainer – Adele is doing better than Katseye
There are SO many “Katseye are so over, pinky swear” videos out there right now. I just picked a random one to show you. I mean “Internet Girl” is hardly great but damn, it’s also hardly that shit that it’s worth making this amount of fuss over. Here’s some brain genius who thinks Katseye should “showcase their skills more”, which basically translated means “make lifeless R&B with token high notes to show how good you can sing instead of making a song people will actually like, because I’m a fuckwit who think music is sport”. Just as well for his incredible pop music management expertise and know-how… oh wait, no, it’s just some random know-nothing just like every pop writer ever, never mind.
You still our No. 1 BoA
I guess this is a goodbye video from BoA timed to coincide with her departure from SM Entertainment and make you feel all nostalgic for how she was frankly being wasted for a sizeable portion of her contract length. Interestingly much of this video focuses on the debut-age BoA, she debuted underage in one of the most notoriously dodgy companies ever, paving the way for your faves.
Lee Hyori – CittyChitty BangBang
Not the best song from Lee Hyori but it sure makes me nostalgic for the golden age of k-pop video creation. Any new artist would go straight to the AI slop machine to make a video like this, and it would come out looking generic and boring. Back in the day things had rough edges, but they were fun. Until the architects of AI are put in the stocks in the town square we’ll never have those times again.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
