Is there anything more universal than looking back at your teenage self and being filled with regrets? Bad outfits and cringy ideas, yes, but also things you did or didn’t do due to the suffocating, terrifying reality of being a teenager. There is a reason that people are often asked what advice they would give their younger selves: everyone has some regret they would love to undo, even if it is as mundane as “that ‘not a phase’ was absolutely a phase”.
It is that sense of regret and reminiscence that Taeyeon taps into for her newest MV, “Letter to Myself”. She does some of the usual route for songs of this type, offering encouragement and support to a teenage her that felt unsure and insecure. Taeyeon is 35, and after 20 years, she is able to reassure herself that none of the things that dominate her teenage mindscape really matter that much.
However, that is where Taeyeon diverges from the norm, by acknowledging that that teenage drama that doesn’t matter really, really does. Not because of the events in and of themselves, but because the actions we take or don’t as teens shape how we see ourselves and how we behave. Taeyeon makes it clear that her teenage angst was largely self-inflicted, swallowing her thoughts and feelings rather than facing the mortifying ordeal of being known. As an adult, she wishes she had not made herself smaller, as she is only now managing to reclaim that space and voice her feelings. Add in the soft, guitar-driven pop rock that is Taeyeon’s bread and butter, with plenty of space for her to belt, and “Letter To Myself” is a solid piece of music about letting go of regrets and the chains you put on yourself.
The MV only further emphasizes the idea that teenage years matter because of the marks they leave. It isn’t shot like a typical MV. Outside of the standard shots of Taeyeon singing, the MV is shot more akin to an indie coming-of-age story. Taeyeon is rocking the mid-2000s mall punk aesthetic. It is painfully accurate, in that it makes the present-day me cringe precisely because of how cool teenage me would have found it. And I commend the decision to break from the mold of depicting shy, insecure teenage girls as only wearing oversized clothes and hiding behind their hair. Alternative styling is not intrinsically more individual and authentic than following runway trends. In many ways, it is a more effective mask as it inherently deters people from asking questions and getting too close.
That is put on full display as we see a teenage Taeyeon using her style as armor to keep people from paying her too much attention. She is actively trying to avoid being noticed, either positively or negatively. Instead, by positioning herself as “the punk girl”, she allows herself to be slotted into a role and become effectively invisible. Yet, as the advice of her older self echoes back, Teenage Taeyeon finds it in herself to stand up and risk standing out.
In a great callback to “Into The New World”, when the school bus breaks down, Taeyeon risks the focus of her classmates to attempt to fix the bus herself. However, because this is reality, she, as an untrained teenager, is not able to fix a large motor vehicle single-handedly. What she does do is inspire her classmates to help by pushing the bus to a service station. She has risked being seen, at a time when many would rather french kiss a hornet’s nest. And rather than being mocked for her failure, Taeyeon is rewarded with the admiration of her peers, and friendships that are implied to last far beyond the fleetingness of high school. Because no, the bus breaking down doesn’t matter twenty years later. But Taeyeon taking on leadership and forging lasting bonds; that matters quite a bit.
Like it or not, our teenage years have an impact on us. Some are good, some are bad, but they all undeniably are. In “Letter To Myself”, Taeyeon is advocating for teenagers to let go of the fear of judgement that held her back, and admitting her own failure to do so. That failure allows those of us closer to her age to assess the impacts left on us and let go of our own shackles, because it is never too late to do so.
(YouTube. Images via SM Entertainment)
