It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Eddie from .nssign has been racking up some big caonima points lately. Here’s hoping that he escapes with his health and sanity intact!
NewJeans – Right Now
NewJeans do NewJeans and it sounds like NewJeans always do. If you love them you’ll love this, and if you hate them, this probably won’t convert you. For me it just has the same issues most of their new stuff has, it’s pacy and acceptable enough but too smooth and one “ETA“-style siren away from being great.
Nayeon – ABCD
I was warned about this being another “Crazy In Love” clone (to join the 2930485723 in k-pop that already exist) but mercifully it doesn’t dig in quite that deep with the Beyonceisms. It’s more like “Crazy in I guess we can hang out but just don’t go on Reddit asking for relationship advice.”
SUNMI – Balloon in Love
Sunmi completely redeems herself after the massive waste of potential that was “Stranger” last year, and while this song could go a little harder it’s just great to have Sunmi back writing one good song instead of three thirds of three different good songs and trying to mash them together in ways that don’t work.
CSR – Pretty mob
A pretty neat sound loop that the melody writers do absolutely nothing with.
RIIZE – Boom Boom Bass
Well, I like the theme of it at least. Maybe RIIZE will do for the bass guitar what Taylor Swift did for the acoustic guitar and inspire thousands of musicians around the world to play and instrument and… oh who am I kidding, nobody gives a fuck.
WOOAH – POM POM POM
An actual cool change-up for once with metal guitars entering the chorus for no reason, but they don’t fit everything else around it properly which is a shame because there was real potential here.
Weki Meki – CoinciDestiny
Apparently a disbandment song that the group shot the video for themselves because their label apparently couldn’t be fucked throwing any more money down the drain, it’s actually pretty decent once it gets to the chorus even if the rest of it is a bit bland.
BOL4 feat. Giselle of Aespa – Lips
Basically “Travel” with about 50% of the beat and catchy melody missing, as well as 50% of the performers in the video missing.
Fei – Take a Pose
I’ve missed out a ton of Fei songs from roundups and I think I’ll just keep skipping them because I have nothing to say about them other than that Fei exists.
Yves – Diorama
Pretty unexciting, it’s enough to make Chuu take a raincheck on gay sex with Yves (something that definitely won’t be happening in my next computer game, coming soon!)
Jeonghan X Wonwoo – Last Night
Not much of a song really, is it. They’ve got some hotshot acoustic guitarist on it but they have to insert gaps and change the tone of the song up completely just to even fit his style into the thing at all, which makes me wonder why they even bothered trying to square-peg the round hole.
TRENDZ – Glow
Just that generic boy disco thing that these groups have been doing all over the world for about 50 years now. Your grandparents rocked harder than this.
SUPER JUNIOR – Show Time
Super Junior had a “Super Show” scheduled in Sydney many years ago and I actually flew over for it. It got cancelled apparently a few days before due to someone being ill or something, not anyone in the group but a manager or some bullshit, which is a weird reason to cancel a show. I suspect the reality is that the gig was never even real in the first place as it never showed up anywhere on SM’s official touring itinerary even back when it was being sold, and somehow fell through the organisational cracks, so they concocted a story about how they couldn’t do the show rather than scramble something together at the last minute. Anyway, if this is what a “Super Show” was like I’m kind of glad it never happened.
EVNNE – Badder Love
Actually pretty punchy and cool. Just remember kids, we’re still in the third generation of k-pop and will remain so until Wonho doesn’t clean-sweep the male categories in the objectification survey. Why am I mentioning this here? Just because.
ONE PACT – FXX OFF
I actually like the rap bit with the farting synthesiser and the stupidly shaky camerawork, but it’s boy-group-by-numbers elsewhere unfortunately.
&TEAM – Scar to Scar
HYBE doing everything in their power to try to make you forget that their fight with ADOR is a thing. Bread, circuses and boy groups are proven to work so I’m sure they’ll get through it. Be strong CEO oppar, we know you didn’t mean it, even if you kinda totally did.
Primrose – Freyja
I expected some music that sounded cool and dramatic when I looked at the visuals, and then… this came out of my speakers. It’s not a complete disaster – the song has a few good moments, but then it just starts shitting the bed with that “I’m a badass whenever my agency says it’s okay” vibe and all the atmosphere goes whoosh straight out the door.
I:MOND – Slippery
A nugu group with a cringe song that makes all the usual musical mistakes that songs on this tier tend to make. It’d get into Nugu Alert but it’ll probably have too many views to be eligible by the time I write the next one.
Five Angels – Oh! Wonderland
I nearly left this song out because it was musically and visually too brutal for roundup, but I’m leaving it in on the off-chance that you can actually cope. Just look after yourselves down there, and if you see someone fall, pick them back up.
DALsooobin – Extra
This week’s annoying soul-destroying life-destroying art-ruining society-ruining planet-ruining AI garbage art music video is Dal Sooobin’s and it’s a pity because the song is vaguely almost occasionally semi-listenable in a few places this time.
Suho – Zero Gravity
Pleasant enough to listen to without being actually interesting or memorable.
Kim Jaejoong – I Am U
Oh shit he’s in my area, I was nearly in the “back seat” with Jaejoong. That magpie at 0:55 is saying to itself “who let this balladeering cunt into my country?”
Kim Junsu (XIA) – Our Season
I don’t know whether to call TVXQ a five-member or a two-member group this weke, because SM’s songs are boring this week but then so are JYJ’s so I don’t know who to punish more. The struggle to work out who to be more of a cunt to in roundup is real.
Han Seungwoo – Lost
This boring conservative christian rock soundalike crap didn’t interest me a whole lot so instead let’s put this week’s Asian non-Korean non-pop non-world-music selection here instead! It’s impossible to find much of their footage anywhere but I managed to dig up a documentary on the Australian/Japanese collaboration group Peril, who made some pretty fucked up and cool music back in the day. They were way ahead of their time, experimenting with samples, programming, homemade instruments and bringing industrial elements into rock music in ways that weren’t exactly trending in the 1990s and still sound futuristic even today. You probably can’t find their music anywhere anymore so here’s an album of theirs and here’s another one, you’re welcome.
W24 – Family
I normally don’t trust guys wearing all denim and would warn you to stay away but these boys feed flowers to baby horses so they’re okay.
SAAY – Domino
A great backing track completely killed by the fact that nobody can hear it because of all the busy warbling on top. No space in this mix whatsoever.
JUNNY feat. Bobby – Rush
Oh my god the Autotune. Please, it’s not 2005, we’re not impressed.
TimeFeverR feat. Cha Jinhyuck, MOYO, Yyeon, Kang Hankook, Damyoung, XIN, PiLO, Koonta, Blue.D – Reunion Mega Mix
A bunch of boring R&B singers had a very unexciting party and you weren’t invited.
Homies – Summer Time Perfect for MONCLER
This song sounds how the thumbnail looks. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Yudabinband (YdBB) feat. Ha Hyunsang – Runaway
This is actually pretty okay if you can get past the vocals being too loud.
Dragon Pony – Pity Punk
Good when it finally gets going but it still is more “pity” than “punk”.
Urban Zakapa – Counting Days
One of the consistently most boring bands in Korea, the only reason why they don’t top my worst lists every year is that I need to stay awake long enough to write the damn things.
HOA – I Don’t Know Why
It’s exactly what it looks like, a clone of the early 1960s Beatles sound. It’s actually a pretty good clone too. If you like The Beatles but the wife-beating and hippie bullshit has always been a barrier to you getting into them, this might be up your alley. I’m sure these nice lads wouldn’t do any of that sort of thing, probably.
SoonSoonHee – I love you 365 days a year
I’d trust them over these very sus looking balladeering shirt-wearers definitely. Don’t trust men who dress nice, there’s always a reason.
Chillin Homie feat. Absent Markey – So Damaged
I just put this one here so I could laugh at the lyrics. Anyway, that’s enough roundup for this week, damn. Let’s not punish you any more than this.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
What happens when you try to do a Blackpink emote on the NewJeans stage in PUBG Battlegrounds
So as I mentioned last week PUBG and NewJeans are doing the collab thing and it’s hilarious because that game’s hardcore English-speaking fans HATE the k-pop collabs and they are whining about it online so hard “why can’t we have military gear instead” as if there isn’t already 3692 edgelord pairs of camo pants and jackets you can buy for like a dollar. It’s extra funny because spoiled westerners isn’t this game’s target market and this shit makes so much money so everyone complaining is wasting their time. So anyway I like this shit so I’m going to do my bit to send a message to the devs by playing this game every day while the collaboration is on and harvesting as much NewJeans items as possible, then I’ll stop playing as soon as it’s over, until the next random ill-fitting k-pop collab starts. Annoying k-pop fans is fun but annoying gamers is even more fun. Anyway, sorry about the lag and shit graphics in this video my computer is a potato, I’m not one of these “must have the latest system” people, but I wanted to try out the Blackpink emote on the NewJeans stage just to see what happens. As it happens, Blackpink is definitely not in NewJeans’ area.
Rumi (Rolling Quartz) – Playing at Gyeongbokgung Station! an exhibition of cats
mrcs
AOA – Short Hair
How did I not ever review this AOA classic? It didn’t impress me much at the time but it’s aged well because Bravesound’s straightforwardness, consistent groove and commitment to melody sounds like a breath of fresh air amid today’s cluttered mess of out-of-tonality melodies, change-ups and beats that vanish into needless momentum-killing drops every twenty seconds. The reason why I don’t talk about the music in half of my reviews is because making that same observation each and every time about all your biases’ shit songs is just boring and I’d rather write about something else, so I do. Anyway I still would have preferred another rock concept song out of AOA than this but fanservicey choreo AOA is a decent close second.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
