It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
K-pop solo singer Park Boram died recently after suffering a cardiac arrest, at only 30 years old, which is way too young, RIP. Now should we check how many articles certain websites are milking out of this tragic incident? I guess it’s less than usual when it’s someone not in a click-generating idol group…
Loosemble – Girls’ Night
The “Vivi has lines” concept group is back and the song isn’t amazing or anything but honestly it’s just good to see them. At its worst this song never gets as bad as the horrible photoshopping on some of the members in their promo pictures. K-pop agencies never learn. At least Gyeongja will be happy.
ARTMS – Flower Rhythm
As for the “Vivi doesn’t has lines because she’s not in this one” concept group, there’s something sounds really off about this, there’s a weird sound clash between those keys and everything else that’s going on and it doesn’t do the song any favours. It’s still not bad but in this case a little less would definitely have been more.
BOYNEXTDOOR – Earth, Wind & Fire
A pretty cracking tempo for a k-pop song these days, I’m impressed by that, if not by much else about it. Did they really HAVE to use exactly the same chord progression as Mamamoo’s “Hip“, the only other commercial k-idol pop song released in the last five years that actually goes at this speed? Like, they could have picked anything else and it would have helped the song stand out more…
Rolling Quartz – Stand Up
Definitely the best Rolling Quartz song in a while, it’s about time they got back to rocking. Okay it has the most lazy-ass tapping guitar solo I’ve ever heard but hey that’s better than no solo at all so it’s still in the top 2% of anything that gets into these roundups.
XG – Undefeated
XG’s new song for Tencent’s FPS spyware app is definitely not good enough for me to want to allow it rootkit access.
Jimin – Walking Talking
Yes it’s the Jimin we care about, not the other whatshisname guy, and the song isn’t bad if a little soft. Now that she’s free to rock out it would be good if she would actually take the opportunity to do just that, instead of sitting in soft-rock land that’s actually weaker than AOA’s feature tracks as a rock group.
Yungin, Jessi, CAMO – No Lowkey
Jessi just sounds like she usually does, which I think we’ve all heard enough of. I kind of wish the other girl got to do a bit more on the track.
Eunha – Pat Pat
Some boring as shit ballad but at least Eunha is standing there looking good and getting 100% of the screentime which is really all I can ask of a video for a generic ballad with Eunha in it. Anyway, since I’m not really listening to this trash and neither are you, it seems like a good time to remind you that the Kpopalupse 2024 Survey of Important Trufax closes in a few days, so click the link and do it if you haven’t yet!
Yoonie – Yellow Light
This is ex-Weeekly and no reason sidebar girl Jiyoon, and I don’t think I’ve seen a more awkward non-live “performance” video. The lipsync is completely wrong for some reason, the colours are all fucked, rap guy just wanders around like he’s lost, and Jiyoon looks like she’d rather be doing anything else. The only time she looks comfortable is right at the end where she takes off her shoe and fucks off, perhaps there was something in there poking her foot and pissing her off.
Yoyomi – Fox’s Operation
I left Yoyomi off my bias list last year and a lot of you thought I forgot but actually it was just to motivate her to do a “Force Force Five” concept, and it definitely worked so thank me when you’re ready.
Triple Iz – Halla
I’m told this is “a project group composed by Secret Number’s Dita, X:IN’s Aria and Ichillin’ E.Ji” and I’m glad I was told that because there was no way I would have worked out that shit on my own. Anyway it’s 2024 and we’re well over the hump of tropical slop so it’s now in the same category as dubstep where it doesn’t annoy quite so much anymore by default, even when it’s this lazily written.
CRAVITY – C’est La Vie
We’re going to be hearing this rhythm a lot, aren’t we. I guess it’s better than ultra-slow shit.
EPEX – Youth2Youth
I’m finding it very hard to give a fuck about this song, I think I need to take a piss. [Edit after taking a piss] Okay it’s not too bad, a bit too millennial-whoopy for my taste but I think it definitely benefited from me draining my bladder.
DKZ – Like a Movie
Like which movie? Battlefield Earth? Mind it’s pretty good by DKZ standards I guess, they’ve definitely done a lot worse so they get the “most improved award” this week.
NCHIVE – Racer
Ehhhh average boydom.
TAN – Adrenaline
More average boydom. There’s just something about this that makes me not care about it. Nice red hair dye job though, I think they put more work into that than the song.
NOWADAYS – Ticket
I’m annoyed to admit that this is pretty catchy because I feel like it’s disrespecting the legacy of Nine Muses somehow.
YOUNG POSSE – Scars
Pop it like a… scar? This song has some really nice keys and absolutely nothing else going for it at all.
PURPLE KISS – Voyager
Not sure where the other members of the group are, but my main thought while listening to this was that I hate those stupid bass guitars with only the single cutaway and the ugly arched lump on top. Who wants to carry around all that extra wood, not me. [insert joke about extra wood here when I think of it]
X:IN – Never Sorry
While k-pop generally pisses me off with their stupid apologies all the time, I have to admit that apologising does have its time and its place. For instance the songwriter should have apologised to the girls for making them sing this.
AMPERS&ONE – Someday
This song isn’t interesting enough to write about so let’s have our Asian-but-not-Korean non-pop non-world-music feature! This week it’s a group from Myanmar called Nightmare with some kind of technical groove/thrash metal thing that stands up pretty damn well with anything like this I’ve heard from elsewhere in the world. Cool solos, breakdown riffs and screaming, even some neat synchronised jumping, all your metal boxes are ticked here. Unlike your k-pop bias they can also cut it live, so why not go over to their video on YouTube and give them some love, you know you want to.
Pagaehun, Kkanbyeongz – Play With Me
I actually really like this one, it reminds me of the bops in k-pop from 15 years ago. Definitely a winner.
CREZL – Forbidden Love
Ahhh, it’s one of those ‘boy opera’ groups. I love these groups because nobody gives a shit about them so their mere existence proves that k-pop fans caring about vocals is a complete lie and always has been.
Gayoung – Pretty Pretty
Gayoung is going to do her very best to erase all traces of Stellar from your memory. Of course, it’s not going to work, but I admire the commitment. If I ever win a million dollars I will buy a flower dress and send it to her.
Highschool Dropout – Eighteen
Any band from Korea with the balls to call themselves “Highschool Dropout” has my attention. This is cultural heresy surely, like an Australian band calling themselves “We Love Fosters”.
Ailee and some J-pop woman do a thing
Someone wanted me to review this and I have no idea why because it very obviously sucks? The two look good though, and I like the camera angles to make it look like they’re in the same room together for a few seconds before you realise they’re not. Also that Japanese girl has intense braids.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
MAXIM News shout outs to Asmongold and snubs Kpopalypse for highlighting the Stellar Blade video
Completely ignoring the huge amounts of c-word that kpopalypse.com brought to their YouTube account last week, MAXIM Korea decided to give all the credit for their increased traffic to some incel streamer instead. It’s a hard life being a k-pop writer… it’s okay, my ego can handle it… (sob, sniff)
LE SSERAFIM – ‘Antifragile’ Coachella 2024 FRONT ROW FANCAM
I’m seeing a lot of content lately from people after Le Sserafim’s Coachella performance saying that they can’t sing, and it’s largely true, but it’s also a stupid observation to make because it presumes that singing is the reason why people go to these things. When performing live, accuracy always takes a backseat to other factors, it’s far more important to do an energetic, charismatic performance than a musically accurate one. Especially in a k-pop group where you’re trading at least 90% off image and parasocial connection. Unless we’re talking classical music or something like that, the live energy and projecting your persona out there is way more important, and that’s why Le Sserafim didn’t get booed offstage and the crowd loved it. Sadly Le Sserafim don’t really get to do any stage presence (it’s a tightly choreographed routine so that fucks them right up for that) but at least they attacked it with gusto and that’s really all you can ask for, it’s the difference between something like this and that shit performance 4minute did on the radio that one time. If you’re going to be wrong, be confidently wrong (works for this website too, amirite).
BoA – ID; Peace B
Your regular reminder that debuting idols ultra young is not a recent thing. At least they definitely gave BoA age-appropriate lyrics, with the theme of this song basically being “you don’t understand us kids and our cool Internet neo culture technology, man”. Like a lot of BoA songs, it’s little more than a dance track for her to show off her moves to, but it works pretty well and hasn’t dated too badly unlike a lot of other SM productions from that time period.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
