A repost on the Reddit the community, r/korea, is gaining traction. It showed a screenshot from the subreddit r/AITA (“Am I The Assh*le”) which asks netizens for their opinion on whether or not they were in the wrong.
The unnamed writer explained that he, an American, is engaged to a Korean-American woman. The root of the problem was her request for him to do a 90-degree bow to her grandparents when they meet in South Korea.
My fiancée is Korean-American, and I’m American. We’ve met each other’s parents before, and she’s met my grandparents, but I’ve yet to meet her grandparents because they live in Korea. We are planning a trip to Korea as soon as it’s possible so that I can meet her grandparents. She’s asking me to boy to her grandparents when we meet, since respecting the elders is a big deal in Korean culture. Not just like a [casual] dip, like a full on 90 degree bow.
— Redditor
He turned her down immediately, saying that he felt it was “emasculating” and that he would never bow to anyone. His fiancée explained that it is a part of Korean culture to do so. The man, however, did not budge on his refusal of her request.
I said I’d rather not since I found it emasculating and that i just don’t bow to anyone. She said that it was important to her culture, but I pointed out that she didn’t bow to my grandparents or parents. I just think it’s hypocritical to expect me to bow to her grandparents when she didn’t bow to mine. Her grandparents aren’t my superiors just because of their age, why should I have to bow?
She said it was just one tiny thing I could do to earn their respect, but I said if it was so tiny, it should be fine if I don’t. And that I respect myself and that’s why I’m not going to bow, and she was just going to have to respect my decision. She thinks I’m an assh*le for that. Am I the ass*hole?
— Redditor
Netizens on r/Korea were quick to answer his question with a resounding, “Yes.”
Comment
byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea
They were mortified at his denial, saying that in Korean culture showing in-laws respect is “a sign of humility and genuine respect” that would mean a great deal to them. There are even bows that reach the floor, so a 90 degree bow while standing is still a mild request.
Comment
byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea
Not being able to do this request, many stated, is a red flag.
Comment
byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea
Comment
byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea
They noted that he had a “fragile concept of masculinity” and a “lack of culture competence.” They insisted that a bow is not an expression of subservience but a significant sign of respect to both the grandparents and his girlfriend. In American culture, it would be similar to shaking one’s hands.
Comment
byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea
Comment
byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea
His choice of prioritizing his pride over his future wife shocked them especially since “it won’t kill [him]” to bow once at least for her sake.
Comment
byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea
Comment
byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea
As many netizens mentioned on the original post, rather than being emasculating, bowing 90 degrees to her grandparents is the more manly route.
What are your thoughts on this issue?
