It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Hey everyone, Twice’s Chaeyoung is dating Zion.T! Let’s wish the happy couple well.
KISS OF LIFE – Midas Touch
Look out folks, Kiss Of Life actually have a proper song this time instead of an excuse to do vocal warm-ups. I support this new creative direction.
Yuqi – Could It Be
Yuqi stumbles over the English in the vocal lines a bit, going at those words in a really hard enunciated way that reminds me of Nico, it doesn’t really suit the song. Still, it’s a really good song anyway so I guess I don’t care.
Bang Yedam x Winter – Officially Cool
Officially boring. Look what they’ve done to Winter, they’re like “let’s just give you one fucking colour that doesn’t suit you and wear that”, she looks distraught. Someone should plan an extraction. Since the song isn’t that interesting and you’re probably now also bored and looking for something to do, this seems like a good place to mention that the latest Kpopalypse survey is still live and you can do it by clicking this bit of text right here! Note that it is closing soon, so rather than screaming into the wind on some comments section that I don’t care about, why not leave your feedback somewhere that it can potentially make a difference? Do it, caonima!
I-LAND2 : N/a with Rosé – Final Love Song
Okay so it’s just Europe’s “The Final Countdown” with a bit of a k-pop makeover, but it works. This doesn’t surprise me as electronica treatments of that song have always been good, although I still think Laibach holds the crown here for the best one I don’t mind the kpopification. Pity it’s for some soul-destroying life-destroying ‘reality’ competition show that you really shouldn’t watch but you will anyway.
ONF – Bye My Monster
This is actually great. A good example of softer and heavier styles integrating really well into a pop song that a lot of other songwriters could learn from. If you’re going to do a “change up”, do it right.
TXT – I’ll See You There Tomorrow
Not bad I guess. At least it’s pacy and we have some nice shirt-wearing style, the guy who only has two buttons done up is working hard.
GIRLS FRONTIER LEADER – New Stage
A new song by a new group featuring Ban Seolhee from Girls2000, and of course it’s great. It’s not as good as “Bad Girlfriend” but then nothing is, so that’s okay, I’m just happy she hasn’t retired.
woo!ah – Blush
Let’s copy NewJeans visual style and beat, and Twice’s lyrics, yeah I’m sure that’ll work and nobody will groan at all.
DRIPPIN – Beautiful Maze
We had a slow start, but this year is starting to git gud. Several groups are now coming out with their best ever songs. I swear actual music is coming back.
NOWADAYS – OoWee
The ugly probably-AI avatar put me off straight away. Why would you have a fugly thing like that in your video? Next thing they’ll be putting bald Australian cunts in their videos, that really will be the end of society.
TIOT – Moonrise
I didn’t mind this and then they did a Beatles Abbey Road reference in the video, so now they should all be killed. Fuck The Beatles.
Catch The Young – Voyager
Nice music for nice people, so it’s not really my demographic. I guess if anyone who read my music theory post about microphones is curious as to what a shotgun microphone looks like there’s one here but he doesn’t seem to actually be using it to mic up anything, he just kind of runs around with it like it’s a plush toy on a stick and he’s taking it for a walk.
TEMPEST – BANG!
It’s not much, but at least it’s not a “sheesh”. Is a bang better than a sheesh? Is one bang in the hand worth two sheeshes in the bush? Does a bang in time save nine sheeshes?
SPIA – Daddy’s Little Girl
The kind of painful D-list attempt at idol pop that would usually wind up in Nugu Alert, except this one has too many views. If the girls have to keep singing “you know you want it” that many times, it’s pretty clear that you may possibly actually not “want it” all that much.
Diawings – Filter
And here’s a group that actually did get on Nugu Alert a few years back. They’re slightly less nugu these days which is good but they still don’t have a song I can get behind. This one sounds pretty random, like all the bits don’t quite fit into place.
ILY:1 – IMMM
If you can get through the opening without blowing your brains out to stop the cringe, there’s actually a pretty good song here if you remove the token trap section.
X:IN – Withdraw
Oh look it’s X:IN in our area.
SEVENUS – Pretty Good
I have nothing interesting to say about this ballad so instead let’s have our weekly Asian non-Korean non-pop non-world-music feature! This week we’re going for Japanese black metal band Sigh, who avid black metal fans will probably already know because they’re widely regarded as one of the best groups in that entire genre. The above track is probably edging toward more normal territory for them, they go in some pretty weird directions that a lot of bands like this won’t touch. If you’re into heavy shit and you’ve never checked them out, do it, and if you’re not… well, what is wrong with you, seriously… I’ll do my best to continue to indoctrinate you…
Hi-Fi Un!corn – ABC is
This is nice. Okay it’s bordering on Christian music a little with the millennial whoop soft rock vibes but they don’t go too far into that territory so I can forgive them.
IAAA – Our Season
Eimi Fukada’s k-pop debut isn’t bad at all.
3WAY Project – On My Way
If I had a son and he came home from school one day and told me he’d joined a group called 3Way Project I’d know that it was definitely time to have “the talk”…
Granada – Happy Ending
Don’t get excited by the look of it, this is some of the most generic funk-rock ever. The traditional instruments here are just window-dressing, they don’t add anything to the music. I’m not saying the girls can’t play, what I’m saying is that if you removed their instruments from the mix the net result would be not much change because the mix is 99% bass, drums, guitar and keys anyway.
Bang Yongguk – Movimiento
Nice moves but Peter Garrett outsold.
Bang Yongguk feat. Youha – Bad
I guess Youha didn’t consent to being in the same room with him after seeing his dancing, so she did her part of this song via Zoom call.
I.M – Lure
When a song starts with that acoustic guitar style where they tap their fingers on the strings for beats two and four, just stop playing it right then. It’s not going to get any better.
Minseo – Dead Love
More like dead song.
Lee Mujin – Propose
Anotehr nice song for nice people. If I was actually a decent person I’d probably really be into this.
Snzae – Reset
If you ever wonder why you don’t hear that much from Amoeba Culture artists it’s because some of them sound like this.
U Sung Eun – Just Friends
This is the girl behind Apoki’s vocals. I’m not a yordle puss-smasher so I’d rather see her sing than the computer avatar, but damn I wish I could see U Sung Eun bust out the better Apoki songs live in the flesh instead of this ballad crap.
Ogen – Crack!
I’ll leave you with this actually pretty decent rap song. I know, don’t faint, but I actually recommend this one, I have no idea what the fuck he’s saying (just the usual “I’m great and you’re not” rap bullshit probably) but the track’s decent, and that’s enough.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Which of the Following Has a Realistic Body Shape? – MAXIM NEWS
Did you know Maxim Korea has a news channel? I know where I’ll be getting all of my news from now on. This edition of Maxim News (which I’m completely certain isn’t a one-off made just to score a point in some culture war or anything) talks about the Korean game Stella Blade and how the protagonist has been criticised for being unrealistic, but she’s actually modeled off a real person, so – ha, “gotcha”, I guess. Mind you not really, because even the models themselves don’t actually look like that when they’re not being photographed. I’ve woken up with enough models to tell you first hand that they look just as crusty as the rest of us the next morning, so take heart all you less than perfect people, which let’s face it, is all of us. Anyway if you want to check the realism levels for yourself, just to be completely sure, you can check out Shin Jae-eun’s photoshoot here.
LE SSERAFIM kazuha sleeping in perfect posture again
Sleep deprivation so cute, so aegyo, work me 22 hours a day oppa uwu heart shape boing boing
Baby V.O.X – Ecstasy
K-pop fans are completely obsessed with plagiarism to the point where they’ll phone a company’s lawyers if two songs both have the word ‘baby’ in them, but if you want an example of real plagiarism, here you go. Things were a lot more brazen years ago when the eyes of the west were less focused on the k-pop industry, and producers thought they could get away with anything. Baby V.O.X’s ill-advised attempt at an American breakthrough was this song, which featured 2Pac in the song and video, except his appearance wasn’t authorised, so this is actually a k-pop producer doing a literal mash-up. I’m not sure why they thought that was a good idea, but as you can expect Tupac’s family got involved in legal action, and the group broke up soon after. They should have just got the rap nugu who intros the piece (and creepily invades the personal space of the ladies who just want to work on their automobiles) to do the rap in the middle instead. Not much would have saved this song in any case which suffers from a bad case of being a lot of things at once but none of them being any good. At least the girls in Baby V.O.X look great here. Thanks to the person who sent this in!
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
