In Freeze, a newly released documentary on YouTube following the resumption of his activities, NCT member Lucas spoke openly and honestly about his well-being during his lengthy hiatus.
During the first part of his documentary, Lucas sat down for a meal with his manager, where the two talked about the time period after the controversy that saw him withdraw from NCT. “I hadn’t gone out for six months straight,” Lucas recalled, with his manager adding, “You were so stressed at that time.”
| LUCAS/YouTube
Lucas went on to say that he stayed in his room for around half a year with no desire to do anything. “I had a lot of thoughts,” he told the camera in an aside, revealing that the hiatus took a toll on his well-being. “My hair kept falling out,” said Lucas, explaining that every time he ran his fingers through his hair, it was pulled out in clumps. On top of that, Lucas stated that he couldn’t eat properly “because I had no appetite.”
| LUCAS/YouTube
Alongside physical symptoms of stress, Lucas also opened up about the feelings he had following during the six-month period, including the “terrible thoughts” that went through his mind.
I had terrible thoughts. I was so sorry I wanted to die, because honestly, it was all my fault. Had I not done that, this wouldn’t have happened.
— Lucas
Recalling the time from his own point of view, Lucas’s manager stated that he was “a little worried” and “a bit frustrated too.” With Lucas’s hair growing longer despite the thinning, his manager said he decided to use the opportunity to get him out of the house, seemingly breaking him out of his time spent indoors.
| LUCAS/YouTube
Your hair got too long, but you said you didn’t want to go to the same shop, so I thought I should take you to a place that’s crowded instead. I wanted to bring you out into the outside world.
— Lucas’s manager
The manager continued to say that he talked a lot with Lucas during the six months, including about how busy Lucas’s life in NCT was. Concurring, Lucas said, “I’ve been busy all the time. I only focused on my work. I didn’t know what was happening outside.”
| LUCAS/YouTube
While staying inside all the time (and working all the time), at some point, I exploded. I don’t know how to describe it; it just felt like I was exploding.
— Lucas
“That was when I gave up on myself,” he said. Despite the dark thoughts and difficult times the pair discussed during his hiatus, Lucas described their connection positively. Speaking frankly, Lucas told his manager, “Honestly, you aren’t just a manager to me. You’re my friend.”
| LUCAS/YouTube
That’s when I realized, I forgot the most important people in my life and those who are the nicest to me. That was what came to my mind.
— Lucas
