Before I was press-ganged into the Skull Pit, I, Ferox, began curating an exercise playlist named Heavy Moves Heavy. For nearly a decade, I alone reaped the benefits of this creation–many were the hours spent preening aboard my Squat Yacht, mixing oils so that I could marvel at the glistening gainz unlocked by the List. My indentured servitude is your good fortune, because a new and improved version of the Heavy Moves Heavy playlist is now available to all readers of AMG in good standing.1 The lifters among us have spent countless hours in the Exercise Oubliette testing these songs for tensile strength and ideological purity. Enjoy–but don’t listen if you are being screened for PEDs in the near future. This music will cause your free testosterone levels to skyrocket even as it adds length and sheen to your back pelt.
Only a blind master of epic poetry could capture the feats of strength performed by the lifters of AMG in 2023. We did have a bard wandering around the Hall, but no one has seen him since the last n00b uprising was put down. Suffice it to say that 2023 saw the List spur our Fearsome Five on to ever-more-epic achievements. These are the songs that got us there.
Whose contributions are best? What omissions expose us as dilettantes? Add your comments and song suggestions below. The song suggestions will be subjected to a remorseless testing process we call The Winnowing, and those that survive will be added to the master list. The comments will of course be ignored.
To the list!
Kenstrosity Bursts Through His Own Workout Gear:
“Askoma (Sorethroat)” // Massen (Gentle Brutality) – I am a psychopathic gym goer. If I can’t listen to huge grooves, massively thick guitars and meaty growls, I want to pump iron in silence. Thankfully, Massen refuse to let me work out without a soundtrack brimming with those exact parameters, and thereby allows me to break PRs on the reg.
“Catapulted into Hyperspace” // Nothingness (Supraliminal) – An unbelievably hooky death metal monster, “Catapulted into Hyperspace” has been my iron giant for almost a full year. The incredible momentum with which this song pushes my body should destroy me. Yet, the crazy swagger held in these riffs enlivens my nerves and oxygenates my blood like nothing else.
“Clockwork God” // Tardigrade Inferno (Burn the Circus) – Have you seen the physique of your average circus acrobat? Those fuckers are seriously jacked and shredded, yet lithe and agile. Hence, when the chunky chugs of “Clockwork God” enter my earballs, I can see my future, and it shows me at peak physical condition. All thanks to a vengeful little water bear.
“Destined to be Killed” // Phlebotomized (Clouds of Confusion) – Phlebotomized may be one of the weirder death metal bands to feature on this list, but “Destined to be Killed” is nothing short of a ripper. Great for those high-intensity intervals, the blistering blasts and tempered marches held here make for a great workout banger.
“Elysiism” // Wormhole (Almost Human) – Form is everything. Form is the only path to heavy. Once you get there, you’ll want a companion that understands what heavy means. Slam is that companion, and “Elysiism” contains one of the best set of slamming riffs of the year, hands down. Get it in you and watch your gainz balloon past your wildest expectations!
“Lift the Blindfold” // Crypta (Shades of Sorrow) – Sometimes you really just need something classic and thrashy to get the blood hot and the muscles flexing. Crypta understood the assignment with “Lift the Blindfold,” a clinic in shredding riffs and thrashy energy sure to get you movin’ and groovin’ with gusto.
“Liquified Mind” // Outer Heaven (Infinite Psychic Depths) – The bar is pressing into my traps. I’m deep in this squat and failure is approaching fast. There’s nothing I can do, I’m not going to make it back to start position. “Liquified Mind” starts playing and all of a sudden, I’ve pumped out three more reps as if I’m on autopilot. Such is the power of filthy, grooving, massive death metal.
“Ode to the Meatsaw” // Vomitory (All Heads are Gonna Roll) – Nothing beats an arena banger, an anthemic, fist-pumping slab of chunky death for the gym. That’s where Vomitory’s “Ode to the Meatsaw” shines in full glory, carving up bodies with a meatsaw as I sculpt mine with dumbbells. What more could a gym rat like me ask for?
“Symphony of a Dying Star” // Mental Cruelty (Zweilicht) – Versatility is a virtue. Variety is key to an adaptable body. So, when I want to swap between high-intensity cardio, intervals, or just pick up a heavy thing and put it back down again, the powerful genre-swapping talents of Mental Cruelty’s “Symphony of a Dying Star” serve me brilliantly.
“Tormenting Fungal Infestation” // Vomitheist (NekroFuneral) – I love a mid-tempo banger to fuel my weightlifting hour, and there’s no better fodder for that than Vomitheist’s “Tormenting Fungal Infestation.” Ideal for any gym session where metered, disciplined breaths are essential to an effective movement, this song will keep you in the pocket all day long.
Ferox vs. The Curlers in the Squat Rack:
“In But Not Of” // Afterbirth (In But Not Of) – The shotgun marriage of post-metal crescendoes and a climactic brutal death freakout makes for the (Workout) Song O’ The Year. The end of this song will leave you well and truly berzerkified and ready to do less than prudent things to yourself.
“Breath of Satan” // Svartkonst (May the Night Fall) – Stop fucking around and focus. “Breath of Satan” is a fleeting blast of blistering intensity that’s guaranteed to help you accomplish ONE THING before the rest of the List does its work.
“Castle of Grief” // Carnosus (Visions of Infinihility) – Carnosus’s tech death onslaught is spry and engaging enough to keep you distracted from the suffering that is only now commencing. The saucy rolled tongue flourish midway through is a reliable font of joy in troubled times.
“Manuscripts of Madness” // Xoth (Exogalactic) – Certain dullards crossed their arms at Xoth’s latest, but do they even lift? This track infuses melodeath into the band’s pan-genre stew, and its sing-along chorus is just the thing to keep you tumescent during the early-mid workout blues.
“Warlocks Grim and Withered Hags” // Hellripper (Warlocks Grim and Withered Hags) – Here’s a black thrash epic to lose yourself in while you can still recognize the concept of “fun.” It’s gonna hurt from here on out, so you might as well make the most of this track.
“Throatsaw” // Autopsy (Ashes, Organs, Blood, and Crypts) – Only “Throatsaw” is real. This List could be “Throatsaw” repeated fifty times and still be equally effective.
“Mother of Ghouls” // Nexorum (Tongue of Thorns) – “Too many riffs,” sniffed a dainty staffer about Nexorum’s debut album. God help that timid soul if he’s ever exposed to this track from the band’s follow-up, which showcases riffs on riffs AND the Guitar Solo O’ The Year (Slayer-Inspired Division).
“Bastard Creature” // Angerot (The Profound Recreant) – A bit o’ bombast to help you puff your chest out for the endgame. “Rejoice in the birth of the bastard creature!” Angerot is talking about you, in whatever new form you take after finishing this workout.
“Pitch Black Resolve/Nickel Grass Mosaic” // Gridlink (Coronet Jupiter) – Here’s a grind double shot to keep you moving after your brain quits on you.2 This slice of tuneful madness sets a relentless marching pace and will not hesitate to holler at you until the thing is done.
“Throne ov the Morning Star” // Plaguewielder (Hot Graves) – Pick up something heavy and walk across the gym with it before softness sets in. You need an iron grip to get through life unscathed by the handshakes of farmers. Grip strength blowouts are the one trve way to finish any workout and this track will help you attain those Meathooks Ov Doom.
Thus Spoke and the Smiting of the Half-Depth Heretics:
“Join me in Armageddon” // Thy Art is Murder (Godlike) – Say whatever you’re going to say about TAiM, this is exactly the kind of anthemic banger you need when you’re chucking heavy stuff about. So what are you waiting for? Come and join me in armageddon the gym.
“Enlighten Through Agony” // Dying Fetus (Make Them Beg for Death) – Fun fact: I’d never listened to Dying Fetus before this year—DON’T COME FOR ME PLEASE OK, I’M WORKING ON IT. The rhythm on this thing, the brutality, the incredibly appropriate title. Time to get enlightened.
“Leper by the Grace of God” // God Disease (Apocalyptic Doom) – Dark, brutal, and dragging. This is the resting-bitch-face workout accompaniment you absolutely cannot do without on a playlist like this. Plus, it has an awesome, haunting solo that I personally find very motivating.
“Serrated Jaws” // Grand Cadaver (Deities of Deathlike Sleep) – Tell me these aren’t the perfect lyrics for lifting: “Go for the kill//Tighten the grip//Stare into the eyes of fear.” Yeah, I didn’t think so. The real ones get their spot from the music like this.
“Manhunt” // To the Grave (Director’s Cuts) – I would stick the whole album here if I could, but this one gets the most plays. Pure menace and rage. And the way those “TRUST MEEE…“’s are delivered…chills. And gains.
“Taufbefehl” // Nightmarer (Deformity Adrift) – Having a title I can barely pronounce correctly doesn’t stop me from wanting to belt it out every time I hear it alongside those glorious concrete-head-smashing chord-and-beat combos each chorus. Stone-cold banger and perfect for lifting.
“Mortal Shells” // Mental Cruelty (Zweilicht) – Oh my word, that descending minor melody surge that is the chorus of this song, blastbeats coming in, symphonics soaring, “THIS EEARRTH FORRRSAAKES MEE” makes me feel fucking invincible. And it will make you feel invincible too.
“The Insignificants” // Cattle Decapitation (Terrasite) – It’s angry, it’s nihilistic, its rhythms are on point. And it ends with an utterly bleak and brilliant sung/screamed refrain that is just the right balance between brooding and motivating. Weird but it works.
“Catastrophize” // Humanity’s Last Breath (Ashen) – “Ugh why is there so much deathcore on this playlist, Thus?” “Shut up,” I say, as I put another plate on the pendulum squat for you, “this one’s going to help.” It just beat album neighbor “Death Spiral” to make it here and you’re gonna feel its worth.
“Hammer from the Howling Void” // Sulphur Aeon (Seven Crowns and Seven Seals) – This song is just kind of epic. Its driving urgent melodies, group shouts and wails, and grand scale are like a shield of armor. It’s also possessed of a chorus with that ideal lifting tempo. You are the hammer from the howling void. Embrace it.
Holdeneye Practices Radical Body Acceptance:
“Unholy Hell” // Mystic Prophecy (Hellriot) – Mystic Prophecy has been delivering the beef for over twenty years, and this year’s album was especially beefy. “Unholy Hell” is a plodding groove-fest that makes me feel like I’m taking a 40 oz tomahawk steak to the face and swallowing it whole. Thank you, sir, may I have another?
“War Remains” // Enforced (War Remains) – Few bands can bring forth my deeply repressed primal rage like Enforced. “War Remains” has a snarling groove that just won’t quit, and I’ve been using it as a performance-enhancing sound-substance all year.
“Blood Blind” // Cannibal Corpse (Chaos Horrific) – While “Blood Blind” may not be my favorite CC gym song ever, it’s damn close. Corpsegrinder’s vocal build-up over the the chugging riff that leads up to the song’s “chorus” makes me see more red than any Cannibal Corpse album cover can hope to muster.
“Academia” // Finality (Technocracy) – One of the most ferocious album-openers I heard all year, “Academia” has been helping me dominate gym class ever since its release. Intensely melodic and powerfully groovy, this power/thrash barnburner will give you a doctorate in gainz.
“Best Served Cold” // Frozen Soul (Glacial Domination) – Current research shows that cold exposure can inhibit muscle growth and strength gain, but I’ve found that Frozen Soul has the opposite effect. Not only does “Best Served Cold” contain enough groove to fuel an entire workout, it also reminds you how to best enjoy your protein shake to refuel after.
“Mountain of Power” // All for Metal (Legends) – Do I really need to say anything about this one? It’s a song about a mountainous man of enormous strength with spoken word parts performed by a mountainous man of enormous strength. This is pure Holdeneye-bait.
“Tithe (The Money Song)” // By Fire and Sword (Glory)- When you’re trying to give 110% in the gym, sometimes that last 10% can be hard to come by. “Tithe” mentions building up kingdoms with our sweat and tells us to ‘remember that the pain is brief.’ With that kind of motivation, how can we not blow right past our preconceived limitations?
“Confined” // Disguised Malignance (Entering the Gateways) – I couldn’t let Steel corner the market on grimy old-school death metal, so I offer you “Confined,” one of the grooviest tracks of the year. If you’re like me, you’ll have a tough time keeping your arms confined within your sleeves after listening to this one.
“Power Surge” // Cruel Force (Dawn of the Axe) – No Heavy Moves Heavy playlist would be complete without some old-timey metal sounds, and “Power Surge” delivers its ancient payload with lethal precision. I dare you not to feel a surge in power as the intro gives way to the speedy main riff.
“Sword of Mars” // Warcrab (The Howling Silence) – “Sword of Mars” uses burly Bolt Thrower tremolos with hate-filled sludgy hardcore vocals to transform its listeners into statues of blade-wielding Greek (or Roman) gods. Queue this one up and experience divine results.
Steel Druhm Feeds the Floor to Posers:
“Slimebreeder” // Rotpit (Let There Be Rot) – No-nonsense, stupid heavy OSDM for no-nonsense stupid heavy gym days, Rotpit has the goods and the slime you need for the gainz and the pain. Feed this slime directly into your leg day. Not FDA approved.
“Cerebral Ingestion” // Carnal Tomb (Embalmed in Decay) – Mid-tempo caveman grooves heavy enough to pulp a power rack and with enough forward momentum to power you through any kind of exercise rigor. Just the right levels of ugly, brutal and gross,
“Vortex of Blood” // Grand Cadaver (Deities of Deathlike Sleep) – D-beating Swedeath goes grandly in the gym and Grand Cadaver drags a big stinking corpse into the room with this one. Entombed and Dismember-isms run like an everflowing stream directly into your veins and make you a better version of your crappy self.
“Cremator” // Dripping Decay (Festering Grotesquieries) – Short, sharp, shocking and so good at getting you all geeked up for that next big lift. This is Slaughter-core all day and that means thrashing, nasty heaviness in your face. You need this 2-minute adrenaline injection.
“Nemesis” // Serpent Corpse (Blood Sabbath) – When you fortify classic OSDM with massive, bone-crunching riffs and a scuzzy sound profile, it brings forth your worst angels. “Nemesis” borrows from Autopsy but goes nuclear with it and the results are tailor-made for gym idiots.
“Decrowned” // Vomitory (All Heads Are Gonna Roll) – Vomitory have been cranking out gym-friendly animalistic death forever, and “Decrowned” is a great example of their knuckle-dragging art. That fat chug at 1:55 will loosen your molars and make you feel things. Vomit: it’s not just for breakfast anymore.
“The Surgeon” // Overkill (Scorched) – A non-death metal song?? Hell yes, because Overkill is all about fists, broken bottles, and rusty shanks. 100% NJ attitude in one 5-minute dose. If that doesn’t get you in a focused place, no amount of preworkout will help your sorry ass.
“Planetary Obliteration” // Re-Buried (Repulsive Nature) – On the ragged edge of OSDM and slam lies this sick twist of a bastard. Feel the muscles in your arms and legs contort and start to fracture your skeletal system as the primal beatdowns blast your feeble mind. It’s obnoxious, brutish, and sounds like deadlifts gone very wrong.
“Me the Nothing” // Metal Church (Congregation of Annihilation) – An atypically heavy, grinding, vicious cut from the elder statesmen in Metal Church. There is simply no way to blast this and not feel the aggression surging in your blood. The insane vocals at chorus time will make you grind your teeth and hunger for weight.
“Who Told Me” // Prong (State of Emergency) – Prong supplied many songs to the Lift Lists ov Steel over the years, and “Who Told Me” is the latest nugget of New York-style hostility to get up in your face and make you want to brawl Jersey Shore idiots. Poke somebody in the chest after a personal best.
The post Heavy Moves Heavy 2023 – AMG’s Ultimate Workout Playlist appeared first on Angry Metal Guy.
